September 5, 1999
10:36 p.m.

i like foundcrap, and this weekend re-visited it. got a new scanner, and finally scanned the photos i found on top of a newspaper vending machine on 3rd Avenue in 1993. i've been meaning to scan these pictures for years now.

walking home with the new scanner in hand i remembered the time in 1991 i took the A train back from J&R Music World with my handsome new Panasonic Telephone/Answering Machine. i thought i was going to get my ass kicked for being in public with all that high technology.

this time, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety-nine, i just stomped on home with this bitch thing.

OK, i have things to say, but no energy with which to say it. i've decided to go see a Career Counselor. this amuses me, since i do not think of my current dayjob as a "career," but it is close enough.

when i moved to New York i wanted one very general thing: a day job which paid well enough and which was not so demanding that it prevented me from buying a new piano every few years and/or going home at night to practice at the piano for a few hours each night. about 1 year ago i took note of the fact that i had finally reached my goal. and life has been a big fat bore ever since. i don't like reaching my goals. what is left to zero in on with the brainlessness that is my life?

i think i am jealous about the latest Foundcrap. not jealous as much as curious. those are some pictures of a so-called Nuclear Family, or so it appears. i can not imagine my whole entire family coming to visit me here at this apartment, but every once in a while i think about that set of pictures and the idea of those people being me is good for a laugh.

since 1980-whenever i have endured recurring memories of the final performance version of "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson." Robin Williams, Bette Midler, and some other night fromt hat week when Johnny emphasized that he did not want to show the "I didn't even know you were Jewish" skit again, but the staff prevailed upon Johnny to show it just one more time.

"You have to show it one last time."

johnny carson sticks with me not because he was great or because he was funny but just because he was there. that is all it takes for me to be smitten and/or whatever. i don't have any friends since kindergarten, or a house since birth, so Johnny Carson or Richard Nixon or The Beatles will have to do. those are among my earliest living memories. i think the notion that RINGO STARR WILL NOW BE MAKING MOVIES is about as early a memory as there is inside this head, although the image of the Sahara through a Pan Am jet window with my mother throwing open her arms and shouting "IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" is in there, even if i don't have any way to know if it ever happened.

i am starting to repeat myself. we recognize this, and carry on about our business anyway.