2-23-89


Dear Dr. Marcial,
        I realize there are certain rules which the University must
respect and enforce. One of them being that the students grade point average
be 2.5 and over, before admission into the medical school. This is logical
because the University is responsible for regulating and maintaining it's own
integrity and respectablitiy within the Health Sciences.
        I do not believe that the method used to select the candidates is
appropriate for every individual case. First of all, I studied in a state-side
  <<* U12. WORDY. REPLACE First of all BY First *>>^
university which are relatively more competitive than the universities or 
colleges in Puerto Rico. This is evident within my case. As you can see 
         <<* S13. REPLACE evident BY SIMPLER clear? *>>
my academic record has one striking aspect that cannot be over-looked.
                        <<* S1. PASSIVE VOICE: be over-looked *>>
                 <<* P3. INCOMPLETE SENTENCE OR MISSING COMMA *>>
I have two failures from two different state-side institutions. I have
a course in Biology and one in Computers. I repeated the courses in Puerto
Rico and there is a segnificant difference between the grades I obtained before 
            <<* S13. REPLACE obtained BY FORM OF SIMPLER get? *>>

and after. This should be taken into consideration because it is not fair to  
          ^<<* G3. SPLIT INTO 2 SENTENCES? *>>
               <<* S1. PASSIVE VOICE: be taken *>>
those who have spent more money and energy studying in state-side schools. I 
am being ranked with people that have less stringent educational backgrounds 
               ^<<* S1. PASSIVE VOICE: being ranked *>>
   <<* G12. WRONG WORD. REPLACE people that BY people who *>>
        Secondly, I have always sought a career in Medical Science and I am 
still doing so. I have developed myself in this aspect by working and 
               ^<<* G3. SPLIT INTO 2 SENTENCES? *>>
               ^<<* S3. LONG SENTENCE: 28 WORDS *>>

colaborating with physicians. The work involves many important subjects in 
medical research which could easily be accepted as having academic overtones. 
         <<* S1. PASSIVE VOICE: be accepted *>>^
I think my job has helped me a great deal in my making a decision to study 
              <<* U9. IS THIS JUSTIFIED? great *>>
   <<* S5. USE VERB FORM. REPLACE making a decision BY decide *>>
Medicine. I also have had the oportunity to see other fields of study. Hence,  
I have a better view of my ambitions and I know that a medical profession will
full-fill these like no other.
               <<* G3. SPLIT INTO 2 SENTENCES? *>>
              <<* S6. LONG PARAGRAPH: 240 WORDS *>>
        If I am given an opportunity to become a part of your Institution,
                     ^<<* S1. PASSIVE VOICE: am given *>>

I am certain that I will achieve all that is expected of a true professional.
               <<* S1. PASSIVE VOICE: is expected *>>^
                              <<* S3. LONG SENTENCE: 28 WORDS *>>
I know I can defy all those statistics that seem to indicate that high 
       <<* S13. REPLACE indicate BY SIMPLER show or say? *>>^
undergrad GPA's are a good indication of "promising" physicians.
        <<* S13. REPLACE indication BY SIMPLER sign? *>>
         <<* S20. SINGLE WORD ENCLOSED BY QUOTES *>>^
        Never the less, I appreciate the considerations you have granted me
thus far, particularly the letter I received from you sometime ago. With all
due respect.









                                                Sincerely,

                                                Manuel M







  

                     <<** SUMMARY **>>

Overall critique for: b:marcial.ltr
Output document name: b:marcial.2
  
READABILITY INDEX: 10.87
  
    4th        6th       8th       10th      12th      14th
      |****|****|****|****|****|****|****|    |    |    |
    SIMPLE      | ------ GOOD ----- |               COMPLEX
    Readers need an  11th grade level of education.


STRENGTH INDEX:  0.27

    0.0                      0.5                      1.0
      |****|****|*** |    |    |    |    |    |    |    |
    WEAK                                           STRONG
    The writing can be made more direct by using:
                       - the active voice
                       - shorter sentences
                       - fewer weak phrases


DESCRIPTIVE INDEX:  0.72

    0.1                 0.5                 0.9       1.1
      |****|****|****|****|****|****|    |    |    |    |
    TERSE  | ------------ NORMAL ------------ |     WORDY
    The use of adjectives and adverbs is normal.


JARGON INDEX:  0.00

SENTENCE STRUCTURE RECOMMENDATIONS:
     7. Most sentences begin with pronouns.
        Try using other sentence start conditions.

                    << WORDS TO REVIEW >>

Review this list for negative words (N), jargon (J),
colloquial words (C), misused words (M), misspellings (?),
or words which your reader may not understand (?).
         cannot(N)  1                 failures(N)  1
       indicate(M)  1                    never(N)  1
             no(N)  1                      not(N)  2
    opportunity(M)  1           
              << END OF WORDS TO REVIEW LIST >>
                   <<** END OF SUMMARY **>>