Dear Manny, 

I suppose I don't always understand everything that's going

on with you at work. I don't know what exactly it is that

sometimes makes me seem selfish, uncaring and so offensive

towards you. In spite of appearances, I hope you can discern the

truth. I love you more than anything and I have dedicated my life

to you. It may seem that I get depressed with being not more than

a housewife right now; there's no point in denying it© I do and

you know it too well. However it's more than simply that. I feel

useless(although I may not be) not only because I can't do what I

want but because I feel I can't fulfill you in all aspects. We

liked each other also because of the situation we were in ªcollegues

and friends. That part is gone at this moment and it's

not so much the fact that we're not together but I feel as if I

deserted my side of that partnership. It may sound silly to you

but a woman can feel desolate as well without having a role in

society, in her family, in her own eyes or in her husband's.

Don't ridicule such situations on account of women's long

standing history of being homebound and thus being able to

withstand it better than a man. It's ludicrous to apply a long

gone era to the present times, just as so many other things in

life lost their meaning over time;besides it would only show

ignorance. I'm not trying to say you believe in retrograde ideas

but I would like you not to be influenced by such dogmatic ideas

which still find themselves infiltrated in "popular" belief. But

enough of this.

You say right now it's you who are to be cared for and

understood. It would be foolish not to see that indeed you are

the one who deserves a lot. You worked hard and you accomplished

your task. God has rewarded you with a good life after your long

suffering and your hard work. I'm proud of you an perhaps you

will never know how much I've longed for you to finally make it.

Perhaps you're also right in thinking that I don't yet deserve

everything I that I think I do; or maybe even being along side

the best trained doctors; or maybe that you think I haven't

suffered enough yet. All that may well be true. But then what do

I deserve? Do I deserve you? I want to believe that I'm good for

and with you, that I fulfill your needs, that I can be a partner

and a friend, a collaborator and a good competetor. I have a lot

of doubts, some which are relentlessly hounding me, subjugating

me into