it was an absolutely ridiculous night. i'm battling this cricket. a cricket that sounds like it's as big as an albatross. this cricket with lungs like Sam Kineson. sometimes the bugger sounds like he's in my closet. other times on my window sill. i want it dead or far, far away from my house. but i can't find it, and i refuse to kill it even if i could track it down.

if i'm really tired or really stoned, i can sleep through the noise of the incessant chirping. most nights i'm not so lucky. i left my earplugs at my boyfriend's house (except that he's not really my boyfriend anymore because he broke up with me again, but we still have sex sometimes because who wants to give that up if you don't have to, so i'm not really sure what to call him at this point in our relational dissolution...) so i tried kleenex. but that did not work. i was surprised to find that sleeping with a pillow over my head blocked out much of the noise, enough that i could get to sleep. but i woke up in the middle of the night because i had rolled over and the pillow was on the floor. that fucking cricket woke me up out of a dead sleep.

i wish my cats had enough sense to hunt that cricket down and have it as a midnight snack. they don't have any problems munching geckos and birds. i guess they must not mind the noise. they prefer to catch things they can chase around for a while first. that cricket just sits in one spot the whole night making enough racket to rouse a hybernating bear.

and there is absolutely no recourse. it's not as if i can call the cops for a noise violation.

oh well, i'll just load up on more coffee to get me through the day.

(btw, mark, you look really nice today.)

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Listening to Mozart's Die Zauberflote (Klemperer, 1964). Another lovely day spent indoors...

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Very proud of my cat. Blur has become an excellent spider hunter. He tracked a big one down today in my bathroom and ate it. I love my cat.

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http://kodiak.billings.k12.mt.us/~tbone

I love my cats, too. One is a spider specialist, always on patrol when awake. But today I am trying to find a home, or homes, for four dogs whose owner died yesterday. He didn't have time, I guess, or was entirely too thoughtless to make arrangements for their care and because people know I rescue animals, his sister called me for help. I've never heard of any of these people, and their house is 20 miles away, but I visited the dogs and they are particularly unattractive so probably no one else will take them. There is a network of animal rescuers here, so we will take care so mehow. But the main thing is that this morning the geese cornered a coyote who was investigating their living area. They were loud enough to wake me so I could run out there, but I wasn't needed. Poor coyote, I guess no one told him about geese.

As for the Francaise, i hope they are in Paris because I need something done there which can only be done in person. It has to do with my former boyfriend (from college) who is now my girlfriend. It's a long story.

Mark looks very nice today, but that is not unusual, is it?

sheila$sorabji.com

I love spiders. It disturbs me to no end when people kill them.

Cats, on the other hand, I can forgive. Perhaps because they eat them afterwards.

once again i have been abandoned by my group, and the project deadline falls squarely on my shoulders. Ahh, I love the crunch.

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Hey! I'm come back.

encourage to me.....

i'm looking out my window at the crack of dawn to see all the women who have come and gone from the house next door to my house on the lane and i tell myself i've got my health and i know i can't complain.

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http://members.tripod.com/~bigdummyhead/index.html

Buds and brews prior to the greasy sounds of Southern Culture On The Skids, who are appearing tonight in this podunk town I call home.

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http://members.tripod.com/~dr_zomb

I like Sarah. you're cool sarah. sorry about the cricket.

what are you doing

hi
1

I'm waiting for the NyQuill to take hold and drag me into a fitfull sleep for a few precious hours.

Mostly, I'm coughing.

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http://pressenter.com/~maggieo

Checking out some awsome sites and wondering if I should become a dyke.

Never touch the stuff.

wokey up early to fix the problems.

spent 1 1/2 hours hitting snooze. was having dreams too wild to leave them for reality.

i found myself in a desert valley. reminded me of that episode of star trek where kirk and that lizard guy get put on a planet together to kill each other. kirk ends up making a cannon out of a bamboo type tube and homemade gunpowder.

so i'm in this bowl shaped valley of hard packed sand and boulders. there is this voice talking to me in my head, which, retrospectively, i would say was my god-mind. that instinct that we all had before the dawn of consciousness. the voice was telling me about how i was hungry.

i came upon this boulder and this puff of fur came shooting by my face. "What the hell was that?" The voice in my mind told me it was an ocarok and that I should kill it and eat it. So I mounted the boulder and started pummelling what I found with my club.

The ocarok turned out to be a long racoon type thing, with golden-red chinchilla like hair. I beat it over and over again and it wasn't dying. I started beating it's head but it kept moving. If the ocarok was a disgraced mafia guy, I would have been in a Scorcase movie.

And then it was dead. I was told to skin and clean it, and I did. I started a fire, and I roasted it on a stick. And I ate it, even though it made me feel ill.

Because the voice told me to. And who is to argue with the voice?

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Later this morning I had a dream in which I was attempting to play spades with a bunch of people in a bathroom. Except they played totally different than I know how to play, so I got pissed off and left. When I came back they were gone, but they had written messages on the bathroom wall to my roommate, concerning bongloads.

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so we had a pretty big party at my house last night. there was no occassion really. at one point during the party i was back in my bedroom with a bunch of people, hanging out, jabbering loudly, music blaring on the stereo, typical party activities.

at one point this woman comes up to me and asks, "what is that noise? my god, it must be the loudest frog i have ever heard!" and i said, "my dear, that is not a frog, that's a cricket!" and she gasped in surprise and said, "it sounds like it's right inside my eardrum. that is the loudest cricket i have ever heard." i said, "i know. nobody believes me when i tell them how loud that fucker is. i haven't slept for days." i mean, think about it. she picked out the sound of that cricket through the din of a 50 person party.

people, i'm not making this stuff up.

now pardon me while i suck down more coffee.

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is wondering

Golly Mark, that is an impressive sight.

Whaoooooooooooooowwwwww!

suprise.

beautiful. beautiful city.

Putting the sheets on my new bed in my new home in Berkeley, CA! I'm pleased to report the bastion of liberalism is alive and well; There's a riot going on outside my house in which a car is being turned over and set ablaze to promote bike riding.

Rock.

I love home.

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thinking about getting something to eat, i got the munchies SO BAD..I hate the munchies in the middle of the night,its a time you know you shouldnt eat..ook, im off to satisfy my munchie attack..

BTW..That is a very good picture on there now...very cool

WE ARE DOING IT ALL!!!!

godude.com

We are doing something else now

I am doing even more now!

waiting for Dude's next thrilling instalment.

I am doing things I have never done before!

wondering who with, Dude? Who with?

I am doing it with someone I haven't done it with in three years.

Ahhhh, spring must be in the air.. or is Pheramones??? LOL

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deep in the underground.

learning things about the mysterious.

having to pissius.

waging war on 12 little bottles.

good doggie heading up towards drunk as fuck.

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More than I need to, less than I want to and exactly what I have to.

nothin.

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http://members.tripod.com/~bigdummyhead/index.html

trying to get this staple out of my butt

nudiegirls.com

kicking myself for sleeping through the KRS-One show at Tramps last night... reading the mad scientist and dropping his knowledge... behold:

"to most people music is intrinsically attractive. moreover, melodies tend to ingrain themselves in the listener's mind. a tune will haunt the memory during the whole of a lifetime. here, for example, is a a quite uninteresting statement or value judgement. as it stands, nobody will pay attention to it. but now set the words to a catchy and easily remembered tune. immediately they become words of power. moreover, the words will tend automatically to repeat themselves every time the melody is heard or spontaneously remembered. Orpheus has entered into an alliance with Pavlov-- the power of sound with the conditional reflex." --Aldous Huxley, BRAVE NEW WORLD REVISITED; 1958

this partially explains why every time i hear sirens, i hear KRS in the back of head chanting, "whoop! whoop! that's the sound of the police! whoop! whoop! that's the sound of the beast!"

PUTZING

picking her boogers.

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http://www.angelfire.com/la/SHY69

what?

heh.

oh god.

scanning my face.

my thang better not give it up it's my thing ain't gonna give it can i holler? let me know can i holler? can i holler? can i holler? let me holler!

Ooo!

Ooo!

Ooo!

Hey hey hey.

I want to play some funky onion

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pass it

Let he who is without stones cast the first sin

feeling full of love for the world. Probably because the sun is out and PMS is heightening all my emotions.

Ok, that's over, now I'm just feeling averagely pissed off again.

milking my cup of coffee and wondering just where the hell is the sun

just got off the phone with Dani and LMAO at her cryin over her first Florida sunburn........guess that's what happens when you go to a deserted island with no sunscreen...........damn New Yorkers....lolol.

http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

letting my hair dry in its own sweet time. looking for something, i don't know what. something inspirational. tingling.

Bordering on loneliness.

I've met lots of new people in this city in the past few days, and enjoyed exploring new places with new friends, but suddenly, I feel very lost and alone.

I also am craving a joint, but I don't have the guts to ask my new roommates for a smoke.

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about to head out and meet monkeyboy at 42nd Street... we're gonna do TimeOut NY's tour of the last drinking-and-hiding saloons in Times Square... check out this description of the "Holland Bar": "This is where barflies come to die. The urn containing the ashes of ex-regular Charlie L. O'Connor is nestled among the looping chrome and blue lights of the Holland's old sign--now lodged indoors, too big to illuminate. Said to have been married to one of the original Rockettes, O'Connor is honored each year with a beery memorial. "The day Charlie buys a round, I quit," says Mike, a bartender who started work four years ago--on the day O'Connor's ashes were brought to the bar. The Holland has survived in different locations since 1920, but its current incarnation has ancient butt-joke cartoons on its walls and specials including franco american spaghetti mit meatballs $1.09 and welfare cheese $4. There's a sense of community here, even if the community is dying. Or, as Mike puts it, "This bar is about assholes.""

looks like i better put on some protective gear...

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Bye

Happy he has Sorabji.com.

Thanks, Mark, oh great one!!!

Thanks to all my pals on here who make coming here fun.

And thanks, Oatfuck, for uniting the ENTIRE Sorabji.com community in support AGAINST you!

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sweating already.

possesed and naked.

Trying to become motivated to crank out some code.

Ongrey.

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Remembering Berkeley.

The ganders fought again today. Lucy is really egging them on.

sheila$sorabji.com

Glad the long weekend is about over and the usual suspects will all be back posting tomorrow!

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the cricket is dead.

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Congratulating Sarah....and imagining her hunting down that cricket with something deadly (tennis racket? golf club? baseball bat? pet cat?)

No matter....at least the bastard's gone.

hoping the cricket died of natural causes...

Slowly getting settled...loving this Florida heat...missing Nate and Jim and Petey...and telling Ridin that the sunburn is now tan and I didnt just go and lay on some tanning bed like YOU do..I got my tan from the great outdoors woman!!!! Laugh now cause I'm taking your ass to that deserted island when you get here...paradise I'll tell ya...

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while i was away for the weekend, my roomates got fed up with the noise and hunted the little bastard down and whacked him. they found him in the runners of my dresser drawer. when i came home last night, his cricket carcass was sitting on my desk with a note that read "happy sleeping".

fret not. i'm sure he'll be reincarnated as an opera singer - a life to which he will be better suited.

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Admiring Mark in his rather surprisingly NOT buttoned up shirt.

:-)

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influenza.

Hangin' in the new house ripping up the floors so we can put all new floors in..so much fuckin' work all the time..cant wait to just be DONE and settled in...For some odd reason, I sleep wonderful here...couldnt sleep for shit in New York but I sure can here...even those bags under my eyes are gone...See Wetfly, I took your advise and got lots of rest...I've been soooo busy since I got here...Did Clearwater Beach with the Wetfly last weekend...camped out on Anclote Island over the Holiday weekend...went to these really cool state parks to see Gators and shit...and have been working my ass off in this damn house...hubby and I are not getting along at all..thats nothing new really but this is probably the worst we have ever gotten along...maybe I just need to give the guy a little or something...who the fuck knows...I dont miss New York yet..ok, maybe a little...ok alot but Florida is beautiful..high of about 93 everyday...My friend from NY is coming to see me next week and I cant wait...be nice to see a familiar face...I guess thats about it in the life and times of Danigirl...Goodnight all.

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Wondering when in the sam hell Dani is gonna invite me down for some sun in FL? I'd prefer winter, hon!

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Singing to Jim...baby come to me..let me put my arms around you...K lemme stop now..LOL..come see me anytime Jimbabe...yes its hotter than hell right now but everything is central air..even my bedroom!!!!!!!!!!! The UV level is at 9 everyday...GREAT tanning lemme tell ya..I was out on that island for 2 days and went out on the boat most of the day and I got MAJOR color..we saw this hammerhead shark with 2 babies..came right up to the boat and just kinda stared at us..the coolest thing ever!! Hmmmm..now thats a thought...you and I could like rock the boat Jim!!! I also learned how to drive standard over the last few days....I hate having to work while I drive but I decided that I really needed to learn so I did...hate it...heard my all time favorite song tonight on this crappy ass radio station..remember Tender Love?? Here I lay all alone..tossing turning..longing for some of your...tender love...I've waited for the right..moment to come..so I can thank you for all the tender love you've given to me...that song ROCKS...the piano makes the entire song..Shit, I've had enough typing for 1 night I'm thinkin'..sweet dreams..

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wondering why Lucy laid an egg right out in the open, not anywhere near the egg room or her nest, and just left it there. Wondering why it didn't roll downhill, or perhaps where I found it is not where it started. The abandoned/orphaned dogs are here, the most pathetic one is staying, and the geese went after her today. Just for looking at them! They're beginning to scare me. They probably eat crickets.

I'm wondering what Otis is doing now. I haven't seen him in two years. He was my best friend and I've always loved him, but I was never able to tell him. He could play music and make the world cry and sing at the same time.

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..welcoming Dani back......yes, it may be a fake-bake....but I have NO tanlines...'cept for a little spot where I strategically place a teeny-weenie heart sticker.......and no, you don't get to see it cuz it's for boys eyes only.......HMPFF!!

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http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

Wandering and Wondering if anyone can enlighten me about the works of Neil Gaiman. Pleaasse R.S.V.P. [email protected] Many thanks

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realizing that i hate my job....

i hate allergies.... especially mine!

i hate unpredictable texas weather....

my car is all soggy!

hot one minute pouring down rain, in the middle of the night....

i shake my fist at them!

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pissed off.

no fucking hot water.

i saw them "fixing" the water heaters yesterday. now i know it was just to piss me off. it's all a plan to piss me off. that's all they think about, pissing me off.

i'm about to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.

well, maybe not.

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sittin' on the dock of the bay, wastin' time, and catching up on the trashiest soap around...

sorry

I'm trying to pronounce the name of this town in Britain. It's spelled llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. There's a contest on their web page for pronouncing it. http://llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.co.uk/

http://llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.co.uk/

Llanfair P.G., as it's called for short, is in Wales. Jane Fonda and David Hemmings say it in the movie Barbarella when they have what passes for sex.

sha la la.

duran duran.

too damn annoying for his own good.

nice talking to you all, i'm hitting the road.

goodnight you eructating whackos.

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fulminating and fusticating about some dumb fake scam alert email sent to me by a well-meaning but obtuse friend, for what reason i cannot imagine, there's a sucker born every minute and they all righteously pass on fake email warnings, appending all previous messages and their email addresses until kingdom come, no wonder the spammers are finding me...

saying halloo again! wow mark - colour!! How long have I been gone?! Serves me right for having work to do all of a sudden. Glad to see everyone is still here and shouting - stay funky. And wear a decent SPF - it's very important this time of year

Stunned!

Phil Hartman of SNL and Newsradio fame is dead!

*sigh*

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http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,3068,00.html

..really pissed off that the washer that was supposed to be fixed is now "dead". *sigh* So much for doing laundry at home again... I think I'll sit back and mourn the loss. If anyone cares my trip to San Francisco was AB FAB. Even danced in the Carnaval parade on a float...INCREDIBLE!!! Hope y'all are having a wonderful afternoon!

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/3124

Hartman's wife shoots him dead and then kills herself...

Palistine to detonate nuclear war devices...

Ex KKK leader arrested in firebomb slaying...

15 year old boy kills his parents and then opens fire in his school cafeteria...

i wish i could just float away on butterfly wings and learn the lesson once and for all: never ask why.

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hoping that sarah meant "Pakistan" instead of "Palestine"... but i guess it doesn't make much difference at this point... i'm starting to think the end-of-the-world freaks might have a point...

looks like we're all going to hell.

bartender?

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Trying to figure out what day it is...

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hi!

listen to Sunday Improvisations. hmm. GREAT.

Wondering where the fuck everyone is???

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vowing to spend much, much more time in downtown brooklyn this year.�

mmmmmmm�.

so much skin in so many different, tasty flavors�

brooklyn is the baskin-robbins of flesh and i'm wanting a triple-scoop...

i've got a feeling it's gonna be a good summer.

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beyond exstatic that my Mc is back and connected!

wooo hooo!

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Wow..I got my first dose of Bubba The Love Sponge on this morning radio show...the most hystrerical man I have ever heard..he takes all these live phone calls and ANYTHING goes...sooooo, guess whos gonna call in tomorrow morning and have a phone sex session with Bubba The Love Sponge? Yours truly..LOL...I had all these floor guys here this morning and they were daring me to call in this morning but the line was busy busy busy. I'm kinda glad I couldnt get through cause hubby wasnt to happy with the idea...he kept saying..."Danette, what the hell is phone sex and how do you know about it?" Needless to say I left the room so I wouldnt have to answer it..LOL... I doubt I'll be able to talk all dirty back to him considering he's the most ugliest man I have ever seen..repulsive actually..he has this CD of his morning show with his picture on it..my man barks..but it will be a good laugh I'm sure..Ridin is gonna send you an e-mail telling you its ok to lift a pic Jimbabe...off to the beach to get a few shades darker..God I love Florida..

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listening to the hard drives sing whirring, chirping songs to one another.

watching the network patch bay blink to itself.

eating licorice.

feeling my keyboard clatter gently.

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http://christop.com

drinking vodka on the rocks from a pint jar.

pleasantly mortified.

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i'm checking my thirty four new emails since i've been gone. i feel so popular. i went to idaho to visit my friend and her new eeedy beedy teensy weensy widdle baby. she's really cute, but she doesn't do too much yet. i missed dave and the doggies.

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http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/4761

Thinkin' Nate just gave me the most awesome recipes...Damn, all that research you did is gonna do me a WORLD of good Nate..LOL..I'm off to a shower and then bed..

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WAYD seems a little confused lately....or maybe it is I who am confused? At any rate, it looks like nobody has posted in quite some time....everyone at the beach?

What am I doing? Right now I'm listening to "Take California", the first track off my latest purchase, Propellerheads' Decksandrumsandrockandroll....this shit'll make you move....

and winding down from a morning ride....20 miles (not my best but I haven't been in a year....) in 90 degree heat (or thereabouts....). Nothin' better than a long sweaty ride followed by an ice-cold shower....oh yeah! That's the stuff....bring on that stroke.

jon q. testicool.

to program or not to program, that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to fulfill your responciblities in a timely manner, or to walk to the 7-11 and buy some beer and watch a rented movie; To die, to sleep! To watch harvey kietel jack off!

ach!

i have a job lined up. i wonder if they care if i graduate. they certainly won't care if i get a 2.0 this quarter.

now i just have to determine how much i can not do and still pass.

this feels criminal. my logic must be flawed somewhere. something about learning for your own good is kicking around in the back of my brain. but really, i don't need this stuff polluting my head anyway. it's not like i'm taking lit classes or film or theater or music or anything i really think is important for me to know. i'm taking bullshit courses. i can either spend a weekend reading text books to learn the material, or i can spend 10 weeks drooling in the back of a class.

i can program later. i want a beer.

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All of a sudden laughing his ass off over Bubba The Love Sponge. LOL I can just hear Dani on the phone now!!! Hey gang, let's give a big HIP HIP HOORAY to PetRock for his cycling achievment! YAY!!!!

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http://www.angelfire.com/md/pjayboy/index.html

evolving.

alife.fusebox.com

Scared shit..got caught in a major thunder and lightning storm in the middle of the fuckin' ocean in a boat..shakin' life a leaf for sure..Got good news for ya Jimbabe..I'm gonna tape the phone call with Bubba The Love Sponge on Monday morning..LOL..I'll make it into a wav and send it to you!!!! k??

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showing my friend Pablo this rad site....yes bring another into the fold...muhaha... and fixing to play a bit...i hope....

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wondering WHERE IN TH E HELL my entry is from 5/28 about askin Jimbaby for his pic....and WHERE IN THE HELL his reply is with the URL.

WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE!!?!?!?!

maybe it was all a dream......nevermind.

Are peanut M&Ms and Starbuck Java Chip ice-cream fattening if you eat them while cryin?

http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

Contemplating putting a stamp on it.....

Saturday, May 30, 1998 7:43PM

You have been gone now for what, 9 hours? I think I have cried a total of 8 of those 9 hours�.at least. This is much harder than I anticipated. So very much harder. I feel melodramatic in writing all of this, but, I have all these emotions and feelings flooding me, and no where to put them other than to cry them out. And, just when I think I can�t cry anymore, I cry some more. I wish you were somewhere I could send this to you now. To wait until you are finally home doesn�t seem to matter, that feels like a lifetime away, and we both will probably feel differently than we do today. Mike, I feel such an absolute loss here. You have been a part of my everyday life for the past 5 or 6 months, and now you�re not. I know that we were only together, physically, 2 of those months, but we spent nearly every waking moment together. I have had some form of contact with you, albeit electronically, nearly every day since I met you. You became like a best friend to me. I enjoyed your company, your presence, your companionship, everything, and now this apartment feels so huge, and so quiet�..empty. And, I feel empty except for the sadness, and it�s overwhelming. I don�t know how you�re feeling right now, perhaps better than you did this morning. I wish I knew if you feel sad, or, relieved, or whatever. Knowing how you feel, might make me feel better. Unless you were completely unaffected by any of this and feel nothing but happiness�then I think I would feel worse, I know I would. All I know is how I feel, and it hurts, it hurts so bad, and it feels like it will never go away. I dreaded this day, I dread tonight, I dread tomorrow, I dread the coming days, weeks. I just can�t believe you are gone, gone for good. Not, "Oh, I�m sad because he left, but I�ll see him in a month," or, "He�s just going to be gone a short time and then he�ll be back," or, "He�s going to call me when he gets home, or wherever." This isn�t your hometown, you have no reason to come back, nothing to bring you back. I have no hope, no faith. You are just �gone. Gone physically, gone emotionally. Nothing I could have said or done to keep you here. Nothing.

I�ve been sitting here all day, thinking of all the things I told myself I was going to do when you left�.things I need to get done, things I should get done, things that will keep me busy and my mind off other things. Instead, I sit here paralyzed, unable to do anything but cry and feel the sadness inside. I can see now why you wanted to remain friends. There�s no finality if a friendship is maintained�.and it lessens the pain, eases it. I have never been able to have a friendship with someone who (whom?) I had had a relationship with�someone I had deep feelings for, when the feelings weren�t mutual. Although our relationship was not your everyday, run of the mill relationship, it was still a relationship. That is why I would not say anything when you talked of being able to remain friends. You wanted to lessen the hurt�..either for yourself, or me. I can see that now, or, that is how I see it. Perhaps you have different reasons for it. And, I couldn�t bring myself to say the words to you, "Mike, I don�t want a friendship." "Mike, I don�t ever want to talk to you again." "Mike, don�t call me." "Mike, don�t write me." "Mike, don�t come visit me." I never said any of those things, because they are not what I want. I do want to talk to you again. I do want you to call me. I do want you to write me. I do want you to come visit me. I want all of those things, but I just don�t know if I can handle them on a friendship level. I want a friendship with you, in addition to the feelings I have for you. And, I�m sorry to say, those feelings, the deep feelings, aren�t going to go away�..at least anytime soon. I swore to myself I would never profess my feelings for you, to you, ever again. But, you have to know, and I think you do, my feelings for you haven�t changed. Obviously you don�t see it, or feel it, but there IS something there, a connection, at least on my end, for me. And I can�t flip a switch to turn those feelings off. I wish I could, you have given me good reasons not to love or care about you anymore� although, I�m sure unintentionally, you broke my heart, and, kept me on an emotional rollercoaster with your indecisiveness of knowing what you wanted, or of where you wanted, needed to be. I want you to be happy. I want you to have love and joy in your life. I want you to find what you are looking for. And, I am saddened that you could not find those things in being with me. You say you want to be alone, miserable when you are, yet, that makes you happy. I think that isn�t the case, Mike. I think you do want to be with someone, but I believe there are issues inside preventing you from finding it, or keeping it�.true happiness. There is a reason we came together in the first place. You looked for something and found it, acted on it. Then you fought it. There is something inside you keeping you from obtaining what it is you need or want to make your life full. Something so deep that you don�t see it. That is, if the things you told me are true, about how you feel, and the reasons for you leaving. I�m not being critical, I�m the last person who needs to be psychoanalyzing anyone and the first to admit it would do me good to talk to someone and help me figure why the pieces in my life�s puzzle aren�t fitting together.

I wish you would call me tonight, to put an end to the silence around me. This is so hard and hurtful, and sad for me Mike. I can�t stand it. I just want to hear your voice, cry to you, tell you how much I miss you and how badly I didn�t want you to go�.to tell you the things I couldn�t bring myself to tell you when you left.

Bye honey.

Offering Ridin' my shoulder! I feel so bad for you, hon! *hug* Oh, and as to where my posting with my website went, I haven't the vaguest. But it IS gone. Check the end of this posting for details.

Dani, YES, tape that call! I wanna hear it!!! GROWL!

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http://www.angelfire.com/md/pjayboy/index.html

in the land of hatchy-milatchy...

contemplating the destruction of reality.

not like that, though.

Webster's New World College Dictionary, 6th Edition:

hatchy-milatchy (ME hacchen, akin to Ger hecken, to breed, & OE hagan, the genitals; ME milche, milk-giving + ME lacche, to seize) [Colloq.]

n. the state of seeking companionship of the desired sex while imbibing alcohol.

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feeling alittle better today and hoping tomorrow is even better...and wanting to apologize to the Sorabji community for having to read that damn letter...sorry guys, felt right at the time I clicked on "Say It".

and wondering WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD can't I hear MIDI thingys using Netscape, but I can using Internet Explorer.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?!?!??!?!?!??!?! Oooohh how I don't need this frustation!!

http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

downloading every MIDI-thingy-related plug-in imaginable in hopes I can finally hear those damn thingys using Netscape. Somebody stop me.

Sun burnt from head to toe...icqing with Nate, Jim, and Ridin...LOL...sleepy as hell...starting work tomorrow night in a restaurant....got sucked back into that again....sitting in my Florida room typing this message as I look out the window in front of me and see the canal in my back yard...lots of gators in that canal...thank God the back yard is all fenced in I guess...shower and bed time now....goodnight all!

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listenin to MIDI-thingys......whooooo hooooo..yea!!! FINALLY!!!!!!! I'm a happy-happy dog.