drinking budweiser, backsliding, listening to this wonderful but odd collection of Little Richard and Roy Orbison songs.

this whole day was an odd collection of impressions... the wedding at the existentialist church: folkie music, the service containing only one mention of the Higher One, but lots of the word commitment, then pierogies, caramel frosting and beer; the odd afternoon dreams about writing programs; driving around the access roads looking for lamps and listening to heavy metal... and then there was you

watching Mark's feet.

how nice.

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Telling Nelly, that Roy Orbison is one of my fave singers of all time. In fact just yesterday I bought his "Mystery Girl" CD which I originally had on cassette but long ago lost or ruined.

Also listening to Aretha Franklin singing Giacomo Pucinni's "Nessun Dorma." Talk about heaven!

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hi! good morning.

wow. red magicball.

today is gooooodday.

waiting at the SFO airport. flight back to paradise delayed 10 fucking hours.

no, i don't have a laptop. i'm at one of these schmancy pay computer terminals. whooopeeee. actually, it'll help pass the time and it's not too outrageously expensive.

missed meeting the data of chor just by a hair. full news story tomorrow when the rates are cheaper.

i missed the red ball? damn.

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in need of a massage. BADLY. Are there any masseueses in the house?

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Sitting in the office, drinking too much coffee, after a wonderful weekend out of town with a "net-friend" in Brooklyn, whom I had never met in person before.

Already, I find myself missing her, though I imagine that has a lot to do with the contrast between my memories of the weekend (odd that I already think of it as a memory) and the grey cubicle walls and the flourescent lights that put a constant strain on my eyes and give me just enough of a headache to make me take too many cigarette breaks.

The sad thing is, I'm always talking about how much I like my job.

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ending a bizarre day of trying to find someone for the vacancy here. my god, people, you have to tak to the other employees, because they count y'know....

wondering what mark was doing working on a feckn sunday

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I am smoking crack in your nation's capitol.

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design.design.design.

ahhh. kill myself...

Going to bed..My friends from NY are here 'till Sunday and we did Clearwater Beach all day. We had lunch at this place called "Britts." I went there a couple months ago and it was kinda weird being there again today. I ate the same thing today as I ate a couple months ago there...cold shrimp. Tomorrow, we're doing Sunset Beach and Honeymoon Island. I love this hot Florida sun.

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I'm slavishly eating wild porkchops in bed with flannel sheets and Yma Sumac. Spanking myself with a wide toothpick.

Oh, and listening to the Beach Boys.

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wishing i'd slept better, not lain awake listening to foxes bark and upturn dustbins through the night

Getting the willies from Paul's message. Flannel sheets make my skin crawl. Kind of like finger nails to a chalkboard.

*shudders*

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GOOD MORNING!!

Sucking down the last of the coffee in a last ditch attempt to wake up. Only one more day of work this week; I love my job.

Lilith Fair on Friday is causing me a lack of productivity there at work...consumed with thoughts of seeing Sarah "this close". : ) You just can't beat 6th row seats. Ok, maybe those in row 5 and below.

Flannel sheets make me feel like I'm velcro-ed into bed.

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/3124

Lamenting.

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I love flannel sheets - in winter. I have brightly-colored ones with Southwest/Native American designs on them. It makes winter a little more bearable for all concerned.

In summer, I like to sleep in my cotton "Bugs Bunny and Pals" sheets.

saying goodbye for the last time, even though he can not hear me.

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mr. mojo risen.

lived with grandparents in clearwater for a bit.

never fucked mary.

drinking lucky lager.

smoking dope.

ditching class.

writing music.

going to the movies.

shoobiedoobiedoobie.

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my problum is comdex fall '98.

my problum is a complex summer '93.

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whahahahaha! so funny.

fun.fun.fun.^o^

thanks sarah.

Slowly slitting both my wrists.

Metaphorically speaking, that is.

Would you F-I-B to the FBI?

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wondering which proms to go and see this year. - to debunk the myth...if you're poor like me, you can go on the day and get in for three pounds. then you can lie on the floor of the Albert Hall, peeling sweat from your face, listening to beautiful music, played by some of the most talented musicians in the world. it's a blue funk day. we have to cheer ourselves up with something

Realing at the realization that electricity is used for sexual stimulation. Specifically, electrical shocks and charges.

YIKES!

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I, personally, like to smear my nipples with a special conductive jelly and then attach alkaline batteries (one for each love-nubbin) to them with a special bra of my own design.

Can't get through the day without it.

attempting to map out my site, since I realised that I'd lost track of half the links.

trying to keep down that god-awful sandwhich that they tried to pass of as "steak and cheese."

realising that I need another cup of coffee.

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slowly coming to grips with the fact that it's not thursday. taking copious amounts of asprin. worrying about tropical storms and 303 pound tumors.

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Wondering why they don't show a picture of the grandmother who told him to thin out the cats. . . . what about HER? "The gun's under the heating pad" indeed!

researching hotels for a trip to paris.

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Reading your forum and wondering what the temperature is today in the middle of the Mojavi desert.

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getting the strange and not un-founded feeling that a lot of people are talking about me in many different parts of the country.

7/29/98, 7:43 PM
sarah is:

listening to people outside her office gossip about mark thomas.

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watching cars on the highway through Canada

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getting my ass chewed because the Big Men here don't have a freaking clue about the technology they sell, yet somehow want us to "just make it work"

mumbling into the monitor

sunny days, sweeping the clouds away, on my way to where the air is clean.... can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street..........

dripping.

every so often a thin, wateresque fluid pours from my nostrils. it comes in a stream. like someone turning a faucet on and then off again in my sinuses. or squeezing a toad. it's not snot.

i think it is ectoplasm.

it's really annoying. it tastes good to the dog.

maybe it is the canine equivalent of mana.

from heaven.

from nate's nose.

doggy heaven.

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Glad the dog likes Nates snot. Going to bed.

fussicating. Read the Stories! The piano has been drinking! Expand!

Realising that I'm going to have to install a floppy drive in order to get Debian Linux up and running.

Sod all.

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it's not snot.

i'd sell you a rat's asshole for a wedding ring.

goddamnit.

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Hmm... not much?!

feeling my hair turn blonder, blonder, blond. the clairol stuff i put on it is making me loopy. i like it.

there's a homeless man who dances in front of ben and jerry's every night. we're open later than any other business in the area, so we're good for late night panhandling. he gyrates wildly to the pop music floating out of our store, then desperately throws out his arms when a customer exits.. throwing himself prostrate for a taste of the cash that bought a sundae or malt. tonight, he threw himself on the pavement and breakdanced to that 80's song "shy shy."

all i had to offer him was a strawberry ice cream cone. so i did.

and for a few minutes, his desperate gyrations stopped. he sat down and ate exactly like the other customers he watches through the neon-lit window every night.

i think i will have to buy him a cone more often.

7/30/98, 5:54 AM
joanne is:

confessing to mark that it were she who made him write the note for the benefit of her flatmate

Wondering how Nate can possibly be considering marriage before sampling my wares.

*grin*

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realizing just how much smoking is a habit. See, I tried to quit Tuesday night; actually broke up the last 4 cigarettes I had and threw out the ashtrays.

I found myself sucked into the neighboring Diamond Shamrock store and running to the door, falling to the counter and gasping for a pack of Newports. It was like I couldn't get the money to her fast enough, she was moving like a turtle, staring at all sides of the pack.

"LADY! IT'S JUST A SQUARE! STOP STARING AT IT!!"

By the time my grubby little hands were fondling the pack, my craving had ended. I believe it had so much to do with having them in sight. Last night I was having the same attack, but refused to smoke. Ended up going down to my truck and pulling out two cigarettes and holding them behind my ear. It was like a magical nico-rush.

So today I sit here, where I always sit first thing in the morning, except I'm missing a lighter, a cigarette and an ashtray. My coffee looks lonely sitting there.

I have the smokes down in the truck. I'm scared to go to my truck. I'm scared to drive anywhere today........HABIT. Smoke and drive, smoke and drive.

Anyone else ever feel that while quitting?

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/3124/

Standing on my door step staring at the truck.

A non-smoker for 2 weeks now. Without a doubt the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was very bitchy for the first week but then it was ok. I LIVE on gum now though. When I get in the car, I still have that desire to smoke still though. I notice that I breathe alot easier now. my clothes dont smell like smoke anymore. That damn cough is almost gone. Now I just have to hope that I can keep going.

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smoking again after giving up for six months. *but i'm stopping again. it isn't so hard. all i told my self whenever i had a craving was "i won't have one just now" i started smoking again while i was away at glastonbury, out of desperation and the mud, and you know i still like it. but i'm stopping because i like all the stuff that comes with not smoking,and i got bored of the smoking stuff you do, like looking for a lighter, and an ashtray, planning a five minute break to have the next one, washing your clothes constantly, looking for an open shop in the wee small hours of the morning. and dani's right, you breathe easier, and you can smell more and you wake up in the morning without that fuzz in your mouth.

Denying the undeniable.

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still at home. it's 9:17am and i'm still in my jammies. the boss left today for a trip around the world - or something like that - and she won't be back for 30 days. now i promise not to slack tooooo much while she's away, but i took this first moment of freedom to celebrate by switching off the alarm clock last night and lingering in the soft cloud that is my bed. i needed the rest. literally, my body is sore from two days in a row of aerobics. in lieu of having a fulfilling romantic relationship and friends that i can trust, i've decided to dedicate my life to jumping around in a cruelly mirrored room with a bunch of sweaty chicks. and i like it. the only problem is that i haven't dropped a pound. i don't know, 3 days of aerobics a week for 12 weeks. yoga on thursdays. mountain biking and/or swimming at the beach on the weekends. my body feels better, tighter, but the pounds are not melting away. maybe it's because i feel hungrier. last night i came home and grazed on scrambled eggs and then a baked potato and i was still hungry so i considered some toast but i just couldn't bring myself to dry out perfectly good bread. i need to go grocery shopping. ah. well i can just do that on my lunch hour because my boss is away. yes. today i should make an appointment to see a nutritionist. for a short while last year i was seeing a nutritionist, or as i affectionately referred to him, the food nazi. he didn't think i needed to lose weight, but everyone could improve their diet, right? at first he made me eat MORE than i was already eating and it was a pain in the ass to always have to think about having food within an arm's reach while i was at work. cottage cheese and fruit at 10:30, sandwich at 1:00, and loads of veggies for dinner. no room for pad thai or ben and jerry's. but no big loss. either way, i remain the same weight. even the food nazi was baffled. it's probably just as well. if any of this extra poundage ever does dissolve, i'm afraid of what will happen when the multitude of chemicals, recreational or otherwise, that have been stored up in there are re-released into my blood stream. neurological chaos.

alright, i'm going to jump in the shower and get on with my day.

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drinking broccolli soup and eating a scone in a blue funk

A smoker again..smoked a pack of Newports in an hour last night at the police station!!!! Oh well, life goes on...right Ridin?!

....hoping Dani didn't get thrown in pokey for going back to smoking.....that would be badbadbad......but then again....men in uniforms, men with cuffs, men with guns, men with nightsticks.....Mmmmmmmen......Mmmmme next, please.

http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

eulogizing his poor, lost keyboard.

Which just HAD to die right after I installed Unreal.

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Working. I work at the operating HQ for Fruit of the Loom. I am not sure what the rest of the world hears about Fruit, but we are always making news today.

When I first started working here in February, there were nearly 1,000 fruits working here. By the first of June, there were 800. In the last week, they fired about 20. Today, they are firing 190. The VP of my department called a meeting today, and said that 5 of us would be gone before the end of the day. My department has about 20. I am already stressed with the work load of others they have fired. Today is my first chance to visit in a long time. I am not worried about myself. I am young, single, and there are 1000 things I can do. What worries me are the middle-aged family men. I hope their kids can eat, and I hope those responsible for putting these people out of work can live with themselves.

It is so depressing.

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thinking about the troubles Dani has had with smoking. I used to smoke, I tried to stop time and time again, I finally did. I told myself that I was a non-smoker, therefore I became one. I thought it would be very hard to do. It was a piece of cake. It sucked for the first four or five days but after that it was all better. Dont quit quitting dani.

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On my way to lunch, I got stopped by a few reporters. They wanted to know what was going on. They said that Fruit of the Loom wasn't talking. I said, they are still firing people. There are lots of people in there who are sick with worry. I told them the last thing those people needed was to have a bunch of fucking idiot reporters up in their faces. He gave me his card.

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in a hyperaware state, after spending two hours taking online IQ tests.

Psyched to fuck with Stacy's computers - transfer everything from the old XT onto her Pentium, take an old keyboard and an old floppy drive for myself, then sit down and watch Hamlet, Repo Man and the Forbidden Zone.

Watching the clock.

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Laughing at Ridin...you crazy squirrely girly!! I am so happy that Ridin is coming to see me next Saturday. We gonna have FUN FUN FUN RidinHoochieMama!!! Dont worry Skottey, I'll never quit quitting. It's in my blood. Just got back from the beach and it is soooo time for a shower. My friends that are here from NY are leaving Sunday and I will miss them. But it has been a nice visit.

Baby Child as a man as a living grain of sand... Sitting on the ever changing shore, Greeting the sunrise... Picked up upon the Gypsy woman, Hair Flaming Night as ravens even sleep..rainbow cloth Tambourine complimenting her chant and choice of graces, And Love Her God...

thinking Holiday, Florida must be one fun ass damn town.

Dani ALWAYS has company. Friends from here. Friends from there. As soon as I can swing it, I'm THERE!!!!!

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thinkin of ways to convince Dani what a cool thing it would be to get our belly buttons pierced while I'm there.

http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

Game for about anything Ridin! I'll do it in a heartbeat! Jimbabe, I wish you would come here! Lots of fun here! I've had company ever since I moved here basically! The more the merrier..thats what I say!

you WILL? ummmm....K!!

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wondering if they even make belly button jewlery thingys in my size and frantically surfin the net for any info about "going from a jelly belly to a tight concave tummy in 7 days", or "how to lose 20lbs in 20 mins">

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