having Lambchop subtley
soothe my brain to
exorcise the demon
realisations of what I
have done to myself, my
head, my legs, 2 kebabs
and some unfortunate
people who wandered into
ear-range of my visceral
screamings of "Dirty Auld
Town" at 3am while under
the influence of some
good Offaly potcheen.
(100% proof Irish madness
liquor).

Speaking of madness, how
didi I get h

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Mr. Swine, read carefully the Vicodin label.

Does it not say "Do not operate dangerous machinery"?

which, in swine's case, might also exclude masturbation... ?

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funny you should say that...

cuz y'know, i was just jerking off and damn near poked an eye out.

i'm thinking i should get a "surgeon general's warning" tatooed on that damn thing...

wondering whose eye that was

Nothing, you wacko.

surprised that it's starting so early in the year.

this morning about 5 a.m. there was such a commotion i had to go outside. there they were, fucking away in the bathtub, causing all the dogs within miles to howl.

now there are nine geese (not including Twerp) of breeding age, and except for three i have no idea what sex they are.

you can't tell by watching, because everyone does everything to everyone else. there are threesomes involving one goose under water, one on top of that one, another on the back of the middle one. the spectators honk with glee, cheering them on and working themselves into a sexual frenzy.

i might be able to tell who the ganders are when the fighting begins. that is when it becomes dangerous for me, so i need to make plans and get out the protective gear.

Drinking my Dr.Pepper and eating shrimp stir fry as I await the day I go to college. Two more years and I'll be out of this hell hole. Still counting the days...

XsKiSnOwX
http://www.mcs.com/~davidmac/Ebomb.htm

wondering what to do tonight since I have no school tomorrow.

polishing off the ravioli and missing the chance dinner parties. food goes better with chat.

hey can't see your room?

working in newly carpeted premises. of course, when i came to let the carpet guys in yesterday i set off the alarm and had the police round, but it was very early.

wishing you all an introspective MLK day...

and hoping the everyone everywhere attempts to control their oatmeal intake this year,
next year,
and all the years to come.

be good.

[email protected]

no longer mystified by that headlight thing on the vacuum cleaner.

if you are truly bored, or having a temper tantrum, turn off all the lights in the house and vacuum in the dark.

you will see only that very small part of the universe that you are cleaning at the moment. everything else goes far, far away

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust,
I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

--Still I Rise, by Maya Angelou

(in memory of the doctor)

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Spent a good chunk of the day re-reading parst of "Parting the Waters" (Taylor Branch's EX-cellent hsitorical bio on the America & theKing years). Wishing Mark had posted the 'I Have a Dream' excerpt again. But you always hear it everywhere on this day. Hoping everyone had the day off to honor MLK/& that those who didn't at least took a moment to remember his dream.

Places like this are a little piece of that dream. So thank you, Mark. Hope you & everyone else kept a good thought for MLK, his family & our nation today in this last year of such a significant century.

wondering why my poptarts are curved this morning.

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wondering where i left the life skill 'getting around to doing stuff'

growing impatient again at the thought of this whole house buying process. Closing is scheduled for the end of the month. The waiting is insane. My girlfriend and I are experiencing wander-lust. It's funny - we both brought it up the same night. Our reaction to action. I want to pack up and just move. End up anywhere and struggle to live for one year. Come back and reunite with my lover. What are the odds of us coming back to where we were? The same place, but ignited with more....something. I don't know what that something is.

knowing exactly how pnutgrl feels. and having a crick in my neck that just will not go away.

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if you were evil in a past life, you have to buy a house in this one.

going to buy a house in the next life.

Undertaking an undertaking.
Feeling the copy machine flash lights at me.
Re-living the argument of last night.
Wondering if the therapy she promised to undertake will make her happier.
Or make us happier.
Wondering if I�d be happier without her.
Wondering if I�d be happier with her.
Listening to random static arranged melodically.
Wondering how long we can keep taking out the trash.
Thinking about cockroach breeding patterns.
Beyond feeling sorry for my co-workers.
Yet almost liking them.
Selling you alcohol.

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in berkeley.

i'm home.

wow.

1/19/99, 7:08 PM
blindswine is:

today, my fortune cookie said:

"Nature, time and patience are the three great healers.
Lucky Numbers 2,5,8,22,25,28"

and handwritten behind that was

"718-xxx-xxxx call me"


i wonder how she did that...

able to tell from way up here that Chordata is back in Berkeley. she has that ripple effect on the California ambiance, and Lucy honked loudly as she passed overhead.

welcome home.

oh shit. was i really that bad? this is the second home purchase ...i'd hate to think that i spent my heterosexual life THAT badly.

LMAO

This site is really fun when your bored. or when your not.

i dont know

just realizing that monkeyboy turned 30 on the 16th...

and that my turn is soon to come...

damn.

monkeyboy isn't even "the monkeyboy" anymore.

no more trying to out-perform the strippers in front of the Lusty Lady...

no more making a public spectacle of himself doing the "running man" down lexington ave in blue sunshades wearing what may very well possibly be the most heinous checkered suit ever made...

no more showing up at my front door at 2 in the morning w/ a bunch of booze he'd "liberated" from some party demanding i get the fuck up and go out to hang out with some random women he'd suckered into following him out of whatever hole he found them in...

such a crazy motherfucker.

i guess most of that shit used to happen back when we lived down the street from eachother in seattle... now he's up in queens and i'm across the hudson in J.C.

i should've never given him that jean-paul sartre book, cuz it looks like he figures he's hit the "age of reason".

i think i'm gonna give him a call and derail the train to normalcy.

nobody that insane should ever attempt to get on the straight and narrow.

needing and wanting more Mark stories. Can't seem to fall asleep tonight. There's nothing more relaxing than 10 games of Mahjong and a good stiff new mark story to put you out. Oh, Mark, dear...I mean that in a good way. My earlier posting about wander-lust and getting lost was about New York. You paint the most wonderful and horrific picture of the city. I want to live it. I want to inhabit Room 317. Honestly though? I don't want the cockroaches. Hey folks - it's my dream. I can have New York minus the roaches.

waiting for bad news

not waiting anymore

re-filing everything in this office with extreme prejudice. The recycler and the garbage man will earn their pay this week.

All the while trying to enjoy my first cup of coffee this morning over a severely-bitten lower lip which makes even the tiniest sip burn until my eyes water.

longing for a burning lip. No coffee in the house. Too lazy to run up to the store for some either super weak or heavily burnt coffee at the c-store. Simon...I'll take that coffee off your hands.

Just finished filing my taxes via the phone. Why didn't they have this option years ago. Cripes. It was kind of exciting in a way...not knowing whether it was to be a Refund Year or a Shit-Where Am I Going To Get That Kind Of Money Year.

REFUND YEAR!!!

Trying to keep a junior-high network working while the kids are actually using it. It's inane. How do they break everything so effectively?

Having flashbacks from when I was in junior high. I need coffee. I thought I'd never have to get up this early again. I was wrong.

[email protected]

Pnutgrl just reminded me -- TAXES! I get to take a HUGE deduction this time 'round becuz of the $6000 I spent on dental surgery last year. Which means I've got a million receipts to go thru. And the dreaded Long Form to file. And they say there were more than 800 changes in the tax code for this year...

Do I feel a hives outbreak coming on?


And 'Swine -- the joint she works at must bake their own cookies/so someone has to slip in the fortunes on the premesis. (Very classy.) I've always wanted to get a personalized, hand-written fortune cookie fortune.

Hope you 2 have a great time! (And you'd better come back & tell us ALL abt it!)
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Oh -- how was the Phillip Glass thing Sat.? Did you & Msrk actually get there?

Maybe I shd just go to H&R Block & let them get the hives...

tripping on panic.

panic attacks are a lot like tripping on acid, only not as fun. they start off like a faint tickle in your brain and they build and build to a peak where you feel like you are deep in despair and ready to be committed, and then eventually you come down again.

if you've ever had a panic attack you might have noticed that the coming down part is a little like coming down off ecstacy. as soon as it starts to happen you feel it immediately, instinctually. also, it's as if a panic attack releases endorphins in your body so that on the ride down to reality you feel anesthetized and light headed.

it's all like proof that you can trip without drugs, even if that means having a panic attack. the body though temporary is a very powerful force.

i don't think i need drugs any more.

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Sarah,

Speaking of *memories* of drugs, which you may soon be doing if you give 'em up....

I just heard "The Green Man" by Shut up and Dance for the first time in years and just hearing it made me rush my tits off.

Your brain remembers what it's like and catches you out now and again.

wonderful times, gone but not forgotten.

turning into a fat bastard.

haven't been to the gym in a month.
between thanksgiving/christmas/new years i've consumed enough chocolate to send the entire population of any small south american country into sugar-shock.
and my microwbrew/margarita habit isn't helping matters any.

damn, that scale said i put on 20 pounds in six weeks, and fat don't lie.

looks like my ass is going back to the gym.


bartender?

tab, please.

perplexed by my unpostinglike behavior lately.

heh.

oh, and mr. swine, here's your tab:

$345.21 Tip NOT included.

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"rush my tits off"

now going to make a quick and dirty summary of her past few days for any interested parties (and for selfish venting pleasure):

whoa. being here is harder than i thought. way harder. my motivation for moving here was so intense that i think it blinded me with fantasy during my last semester in virginia. as my plane landed in sfo, i didn't feel that fimiliar burst of ecstasy while hovering over the san francisco bay. this was partly because i had been up for nearly 40 hours and there were two screaming infants with shitty, shitty diapers next to me for several hours (mom changed them during the meal service). but i'm just starting to piece together why i'm still waiting for that rush. this is no vacation. shit, i live here. i am broke. i don't have a job (i found out yesterday i didn't get any for which i applied). i am leaving behind hundreds of people i love, many of whom i will never see again. and i am lonely. i am really lonely. particularly now, as i am going through all these tumultuous feelings about being out here, and there's really not a lot of people i can talk to. my best friend out here is sick. he is mentally fried. he is not in good shape. he is paranoid, delusional, angry (screeches at me to leave him alone; thinks housemates are trying to have him arrested), and then he just falls apart and bawls about his worthlessness. so, uh.. he's really not a good listening ear right now. he needs to go home. i think he'll drop out. i saw jesse last night, to whom i consider myself very close. he doesn't seem like he wants to spend any time with me. he figures he might call me next week. other more casual friends are busied by the start of school, or other friends, or their jobs. and there several million people milling around me, and i recognize no one. i sat down on campus yesterday and looked at completely unfamiliar faces swarm around me as they left class. i am not used to this. i want to talk, dammit, and i can't keep calling people back home.

not to say i'm not optimistic. i'm really anticipating a badass job, and once i start yoga and drumming (and volunteering for npr's local affiliate this weekend with 100 retirees! woohoo!) i have no doubt i will find lots of people to love. but right now is a really difficult time and i'm doing it entirely alone. anyone live in the bay area?

1/21/99, 1:45 PM
N/A is:

Killing time at work

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sick and wrong.

my head hurts and i have a fever.

i need to get out of here, but can't.

crazy joe's mom passed away earlier this week, and since i am the Responsible Party, i have to cover all client needs until 9.

today is not going to be a good day.

good luck, chordata.

volunteering for KQED's pledge drive?

that shit is wearing on me. i require NPR to guide me through my commute (my AM doesn't work, so I can't listen to old,angry,white,rich,male republican's venting because they're jealous that the democrats always get lots of pussy when they're in the whitehouse. chicks dig social issues MUH-THA-FUC-KAH.)

but recently i've had to listen to some limp dick talk about how if i donate $150 i'm going to get a one year subscription to newsweek, dinner for two at High Tech Burrito (at any one of their 16 bay area locations. sounds disgusting, but what do i know,) one hunter green KQED sweatshirt (100% cotton, comes in big and bigger, 'very comfy',) a certificate good for a jar of moisturizing facial cream (us guys don't realize it, but the good cream costs a lot,) and a copy of some personal record organizing software from Nolo Press in berkeley.

so today I called up and said "So, how much do you average each day between 7:30 and 8:45am?" "uh, i don't know." "let me talk to someone who does." "uh, ok. i'll try to find someone." "hello?" "how much is donated on average between 7:30 and 8:45 am?" "uhm, i don't know about average, but today we were pledged $3200" "Really? i'll tell you what. i'll pledge $3200 right now if you don't do any pledge breaks between 7:30 and 8:45 am tomorrow." "sir?" "i said, i will pledge $3200 so i don't have to listen to your lack of wit on my drive to work tomorrow." "uh, we can't do that sir." "well hell. then sign me up for $150 and send me the goddamn face cream."

fucking pledge drives. fucking public radio.

man, i've been robbed!

i just picked up my vicodin perscription, and ended up with some shit called hydrocodone.

hydrocodone??!???!??

I WANT REAL DRUGS!

of course hydrocodone might just be the generic name... i think i'll stop bitching and go do some research.

BUT IF THOSE BASTARDS SCREWED ME OUT OF MY VIC, I'LL BE BACK!

why is everyone around here on vicodin? btw, hydrocodone is vicodin, so don't fret nectar podling.

on another note, i'm taking some advice swine gave me once upon a time. i'm going to see a shrink on monday! whoohhooooo!

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it must be because we are all in such pain. oh, the pain. strange that so many sorabjites are having it at the same time. makes you go, hmmmmmm?

swine, hydrocodone is generic vicodin, but i'm telling you, a real expert (that would be me) can tell the difference between the House Brand and the Real Thing made by Knoll Pharmaceuticals, right there in New Jersey.

After reading Chordata's entry I am now rethinking my decision to move to San Jose this May after graduation. What have I done? Two months ago I was living with a roommate who hates me and fights with me constantly, my love life was nil, my family too busy for me.. it all looked so perfect.

Now I'm in love with the same man I've been in love with for 2 years, and finally he's with me again after being apart for over a year. I'm in a good job, school is going great.

And I'm going to leave it behind because I hate the politics and social atmosphere of this overly-religious controlled state and continue on my path to becoming a professional pilot. I'm part way there, but now I'm starting to question even that... I love to fly, but when you do something you love for a career, you usually end up hating it! OH GOD! what have I done..

Well Chordata.. if you still need friends in May, Look me up!

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too lazy for home page

...thinking about this quote and hoping that it comes out formatted OK.


Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth (the ignorance of
which kills countless ideas and splendid plans):
that moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one, that would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which none could have dreamed would have come one's way.

Whatever you can do, or dream that you can, begin it!
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!

--Goethe

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trying to get the pizza
taste out of my mouth.

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telling nate that she gets free pete's coffee AND the infamous jar of zia face cream for manning the kqed phones. it makes me laugh that they offer "dinner for two" at high-tech burrito. what is that, a 5 dollar certificate? i also chuckle as they call it "a fine restaurant." it seems like a completely nerdy and weird thing to do, manning public broadcasting pledge phones. if there is a guy there my age also working, i will fall in love instantly.

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"OnTheGo is a revolutionary, patent pending women's stand-up accessory that
allows women to relieve themselves while standing. It is made of
FDA-approved material, is hygenic, and reusable.

OnTheGo is great for boating, camping, hiking, or any other outdoor activity
where toilets are few and far between. No longer do women have to get
nearly undressed and assume an undignified positon, fearing flora and fauna.

OnTheGo is easy to use, compact enough to carry in a pocket, and tucks
easily into a purse or backpack.

Not without humor, OnTheGo brings new meaning to stand-up comedy, stand-up
relief, and stand by your man--and now you can leave the seat up.

To order send a check or money order for $12.95 to OnTheGo, P. O. Box 1004,
Largo, FL 33779 or to use a credit card, look at the brochure and download
an order form, visit our website at: http.//www.pintsize.com/onthego.html"

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back in action. if i had paid attention in bio i would have known that the pain in my side was no where near my appendix. same goes for anyone who i walked up to, pointing to my side, and asked "what's in here?" ("Beer?" "Guts?" "Appendix?")

pee'd in a cup to see if my kidney is in trouble (honestly, i thought the liver would be first to go.) the wall chart demonstrated with detailed pictures how to pee in a cup. the male side was pretty redundant (how hard is it to water a house plant? how hard is it to pee in a cup?) But the female side was amusing.

it seems, a woman should be able to pee standing up, with some accuracy. even without an on-the-go.

so, assuming the pee comes back clean as pee can be, i most likely have an enlarged spleen.

which is just fine with me.

Wasting time when I should be working on my thesis. I have band practice in an hour and a half and can't get motivated to write anything more on the thesis. I love archaeology and all, but for all this week, I've been burnt. Maybe it's writing about 20 pages that does it, along with playing two shows and recording last weekend, plus I haven't seen the sun in about two weeks. About the only thing that keeps me going is all the
SHEER ASS-KICKIN' LOAD OF SLACK COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS!!! HOT DAMN! WHAT, DID YOU THINK I WAS DEPRESSED, PINK BOY? NOT WHEN I GET TO PERFORM GOLDEN SHOWERS ON THE ELDER GODS IN RETURN FOR "LITTLE DEBBIE'S" FIRST BLOODY WHITE MOUSE! YEEEHAH, I PICK ZUES' THUNDERBOLTS OUT OF MY BELLY BUTTON!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

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http://www.angelfire.com/mi/heyshutuprecords

So, that's how I deal with about 15 feet of snow in a lttlie over a month, go completely bonkers for fun and profit. yeesh.

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http;/www.angelfire.com/mi/heyshutuprecords

will someone please join my new scrabble game already? c'mon! free beer! free snacks! table dancing! and i promise not to cheat. no, really, i swear.

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hey. it's over. the subgenii all left already.

you missed the flight.

Thinking on moving to the SF Bay area. It's coastal & warm most of the year, right? And I find fog terribly romantic. Seems nearly all of the interesting folks from here are there. Wonder what Six thinks...

Hey Kittikins -- wanna move to Cali?

getting ready to lose my lunch. Many thanks for that lovely visual, Don. You sure know how to make a woman feel REEALLLY horny. Baby come and take me before I lose my cookies again.

sarah, i would join your game, but i am already playing about twelve games. gotta draw the line somewhere. i just got home from school, and cleo and i are going to make some cookies. from the looks of it, however, it doesn't seem like she needs any sugar whatsoever. she's hurling herself off of the couch repeatedly right now, and tormenting the dogs by chasing them.

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is still screwing around at home when i should have been in brooklyn 2 hours ago...
fuggit.
it's raining outside and i'm far more interested in getting this damned sequencing software running right and reproducing that 88 keys rhythym on the yamaha.
brooklyn can wait until tomorrow.

note for any other psuedo-musicians who are planning on "woodshedding" with their instruments this weekend:

those pint-size bottles of jose cuervo look deceptively large when you're standing on the other side of the counter.

defintely invest in the full fifth. that pint bottle only hooked me up with three margaritas.
at least the way i make 'em.

now the store is closed, and i can't get the sounds i want to download into the PSR midi-bank.

shit. maybe i should go to that party in brooklyn after all.

send me mail.

better yet, send me more tequila.

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welcoming you to Manhattan!

The City at the End Of The World!!

line up around the corner, please, and have cash in hand.

this trip will cost you:

$5 at the door!
$10 for a soda!
$20 for a sandwich!
$100 for some affection!
and Serenity will run you All The Fucking Money In Your God Damn Pocket!
Come One, Come All!!!!!!!

and by the way, we got nuttin' but love for ya baby!

(don't forget to visit Times Square. we've got DISNEY!)

What are you doing?

mstrauch

Smoking a Camel an' trying to figger what to get my brother for x-mas. I know it's late, but to me, the holidays suck! No motivation.

Time to do the taxes...by phone of course, 'bout the best thing the IRS came up with.

signing this from my web page one last time before i kill it forever. when i am done, i will take a shower, and go to ikea for a new area rug. then, i will come home and rip up the carpets in the living room. don't ask, it's dave's idea.

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be patient with me