The American flag is homosexual. What are the predominant colors? Red, white and blue. If you combine red with white you get pink. If you combine red with blue you get purple. Both of these are notorious "gay" colors. And what is a star but a combination of triangles? Antibiotics are a tool of the liberal elite to promote carnal lifestyles. They encourage sexual promiscuity by curing venereal disease.
Barney promotes drug use. "Barney the Dinosaur" is an anagram for "Try heroin, and abuse"

Humpty Dumpty discourages lasting, loving relationships and therefore destroys family values. What do I mean? First, ask yourself what "Humpty" "Dumpty" means. I'll tell you what it means. Love 'em and leave 'em.

The candy bars Almond Joy and Mounds should be removed from the store shelves immediately because of the blatant sexuality of these bars (Almond Joy has nuts, and Mounds quite obviously do not). To use this distinction as part of the ad campaign is doubly egregious.

Sperm whales. Kill them all. Or change the name. It'd probably be easier to kill them all, though, what with the references to them in books, etc.

Ever notice how rainbows sometimes appear in the sky? God is gay.

McDonald's golden arches are an enormous illuminated representation of a pair of buttocks. This is telling our youth that pornography is good.

Y2K is an anagram for 2KY, which encourages fornication that requires lubricants, and we know what that means.

Bases in baseball should be eliminated completely due to the obvious connotation with sexual achievement during dating. (I am particularly offended by second and third base.) I suggest replacing "base" with "psalm."

No more Wednesday, a k a "Hump" day. Go straight from Tuesday to Thursday.

Star 69 is a subliminal way of encouraging people to spend their money on phone sex.

Cheetos encourage marital infidelity.

Smokey the Bear promotes godlessness. When he says "Only you can prevent forest fires," he denies the existence of the Almighty.

We should outlaw sailing, because of its association with "sale," which leads us right to the mall, then on to Hecht's, which rhymes with sex. So no more sailing. Kayaking is fine, though. For now.

Uncle Sam. He is your uncle. He wants you. 'Nuff said.

Jerry Falwell is insidiously sending America a subliminal message promoting atheism. His very presence suggests that all those who believe in God are narrow-minded, Bible-thumping, sanctimonious bigots. What a diabolical plan!

trying to figure out just WHO the Church Lady REALLY is. It's gotta be someone from or near D.C., (or with a past in D.C.), as the Hecht's reference gives him/her away.

Could it be PetRock, or Markus, or Margret?

Or could it be me?

Also, Margret, if you leave this place, there is no reason to continue.

:)

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i thought humpty dumpty meant anal sex.


but maybe it's just me...

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I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I was just avoiding the board this morning because of the bad person. Now I'm fine, because Semillama has a refined sense of the absurd. And I owe Swine Jamaica, or R.C. does.

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about to drop the axe and watch that empty little head go rolling down the hill.

enjoy the permanent vacation, ratboy.

(I am going to copy the church lady's post, it's the best thing I've read all day.)

Just set a date for my thesis defense: May 14th. Have to have four copies of the damn thing, comlete with images, by next friday, and hand 'em over to my advisors. Also have to start gathering up visual aids and start writing my defense notes. Plus, still recording my album. the weekend after the 14th? Ain't gonna remember it. Also have a buddy's batchelor party and a show to play, plus a birthday on monday following. guh. You may see a little less of me in the next couple weeks...(i'll still be around tho, wouldn't Margret coming after me with those big claws...)

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trying to catch up. i missed a lot of stuff while i was busy herding the geese back from The Bad Lois' pond. they waddle at a majestic pace, and detour waaaaaaaay around each pine cone, so it took us a very long time to get home.

this is the week the snakes wake up. sluggish, cranky and hungry. rodents, head for the sock drawer.

going home to engage in dubious activities.

those are always the best kind.

thinking that the Church Lady is Simon. Would even bet my broken foot on it.

http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

Who's the unruly cur that's bothering Margaret?

I'll have him beheaded
straightaway!

(The Sorabji server is apparently on the snooze -- I can't access any of the boards but this one. But I'll have one of my knights search him out & bring him to
mewin short order.)

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www.newworldorder.com

exhausted but unable to rest.

my body is all out of whack from this new eating program i'm on. i feel nauseated and fuzzy and fatigued. by body is doing some major adjustments right now.

a few days ago on the highway i got trapped behind a truck that blew exhaust at me for the better part of a mile, and since then my lungs have been achy and wheezy and i can't stop coughing up the dreaded crud.

i feel like hell. i haven't felt this bad physically in a long, long time.

hoping to be a white dogwood tree named Benson in my next life.

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wondering how joanne's friend is doing.

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impatiently waiting for quitting time.

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rapid atrophy.

wishing i hadn't eaten the last of my thin mints already. a year is a long time.

tired as hell. chest cold congestion wearing me down, plus all the work i have left. Going to take abreak and see the Reduced Shakespeare Company perform the Millenium Musical - 1000 years in 100 minutes. should be good.

I saw Robert bakker last nite, the paleontologist. A big let down. He was supposed to do this thing with the kids, called the "Great Dinosaur Art Contest", which involved him putting up some big drawings he did of dinosuars and having kids i.d. them. Then the kids got to keep the poster, but had to promise to do a presentation on that dinosaur for class. That's all well and good, but he was supposed to lecture afterwards. What he did instead was to extend the contest so it covered the whole time and he didn't lecture. Damn. If I had known he was going to do that, I would've gone the night before.

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trying desperately to write an essay about how boring her town is.

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Looking for someone to talk to.

Finding no one. Even Six is in the other room/asleep.

Having an olfactory hallucination. I can distinctly smell a scented candle that I have. But it's not lit & not here. It's sitting on the nightstand in another room. They say smells evoke even more powerful emotional responses than photogtaphs. But why am I smelling a scent that isn't in the room with me?

Thinking I shd e-mail my friend in Boston to see how she's doing.
But wishing it weren't too late to call her instead.

I still haven't figured out why I can't get any audio on my computer/except CD's thru the headphones. My speakers are hooked up/so it's gotta be a software thing. Why does shit like this happen? Do computers have the ability to suddenly shut down certain functions of their own free will? I can't even get the stupid Microsoft chimes when I sign on anymore!

I have to go to the bank tomorrow. And do laundry. And pick up the newspaper from in front of my parent's hse./lest a burgular she notice it sitting in the driveway & realize they're away. Why are they so paranoid someone's going to break in while they're away? Anyone who really wants to rob you cases yr house 1st to see when you come & go. So they must already know there's no one there/except when I stop by to bring in the mail & scoop up the paper.

I hope I don't live long enuf to start worrying abt shit like that I travel.

And buy cat food. Mental note: Stop at the petstore on yr way back from the bank.

The web is a wonderful place. But it can be a lonely place too.

I wish thay had libraries that were open 24-hrs. a day.
I cd use a good book. The ones I have here have all been read.


Bon weekend, Sorabjites.

not going to complain, although i'm sure i could if needed.

waking up a little more. i love waking up. more and more. when you're eyes are open and you're not asleep. getting really awake. yes.

the cockroach is still there.

dave lied to me and said it was seven. now i get up, and see that it is six. drat that dave.

at least i'm not late.

good morning, all of you!

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seven what? maybe dave ate one while you were dilly dallying in bed.

i laughed so hard at the church lady post that i almost crapped my pants. exactly what i needed.

women are a pain in the ass.

What are you doing? Why do you take pictures like these? Do you got any good drugs? Or is this just something that you enjoy?

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Uh Oh Nate. I know that tone of voice.

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jesus christ.

i'm starting to drop into a disturbing realm of mysogeny. if it gets any worse, i might just have the equipment to become catholic again.

This is the problem with a functional dichotomy of sexes in our culture. Because of the oppositional relationship between genders, especially but not exclusive to heterosexuality, then anger or feelings of resentful helplessness around one situation become a gender issue...you don't have the same feelings towards men because you don't put yourself in the same vulnerable position with men. It ain't women, Nate, it's your culture. So, please don't be a catholic again.

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in discussing recent events in my life i have realized that for all the bullshit people lay down about women being more emotionally in touch and able to discuss things with friends, if women had real friends the way i have real friends, the world would be a better place.

Nate, I have real friends. Most of whom are women. And stop saying women when you mean THAT WOMAN.

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scratching myself. I've had a pretty decent case of poison ivy since last weekend and I'm pretty sick of it. I look like a burn victim. Can you believe some people _never_ get poison ivy yet this is my second time in a year to have it on my DICK (amongst other places)??? While it itched really bad, on the upside it caused it to swell and I would say double in size. That was cool except for the stuff that oozed out the head. Boy am I glad that was the first thing to heal.

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in awe of Ridin's intuition.

Please don't break my foot till after July. I have a little league team to coach.

the misogyny passes.
mix the angst with 1 part whiskey, 2 parts tequila, 3 parts microbrew, 4 parts kaya. throw in a generous amount of relentless apathy and nihilism. when you're not partying like it's the end of the world, lock yourself in a room with all your production gear and crank out some "i loved her so right and the bitch done me wrong" songs.
follow doctor's orders and you'll be fine in a week or two.

trust me.

as far as your moral considerations, i dunno. my post of last night may have been exactly what the doctor ordered, but unfortunately it was scattered into oblivion due to scripting errors.

take a vacation from ethics.

go ahead and get in touch with your inner manimal.

you'll get sick of it soon enough.

Chris: two words: IVY BLOCK. I spent two weeks last summer excavating in a giant poison ivy patch and didn't get any at all.

I won't attemtp to ask how it got on your pecker.

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Well, it gets on you hands and then, well, you know...

never had poison ivy on my pecker. matter of fact, so far i've never had to deal with that unfortunate affliction at all.

but i did see the john water's movie of the same name last night.
pretty funny shit, that.

while i was checking it out i was reminded how strange and unnatural the idea of a "virgin mother" is. of course there is the obvious, but beyond that is striking evidence that the authors of that concept were possessed of a highly skewed world view...

but that's neither here nor there. i'm not catholic so it's not my problem.

what i want to know is this:
was that little virgin mary doll saying "full of grace" or "full of grease"?

i can't figure out whether it was talking about divine intervention or those nasty pit-beef sandwiches.

reading back wayds and getting over the fact that I used "you're" when it should have been "your". The fact that someone just refeered to John Water's helps a little bit. Charming informality. Loose buttons in the tumble-dry of thought. But there's this subliminal forboding that once the apostrophes start to go...

it's funny. i used to think i had a lot of good female friends. chicks who were smart enough not to have to talk politics but who could talk philosophy, chicks i could party with, rage with, cry with. chicks i could kiss on the lips.


now they all live with their boyfriends.


i've been accused of being a man hater before. i don't hate men. i hate that having one around makes life easier. i hate that the world validates you if you have one and pities you if you don't. i hate that they make more money than i do and have more opportunities. i hate that many of them have been socialized to judge people by really fucked up standards.

other than that, i think that as far as human beings go, men are just fine.

but even if i did hate men, it certainly wouldn't make me want to go back to church. get real.

nah. women never judge men by fucked up standards.
cough up the phlegm.

just spent the last ten minutes listening to some of the most useless polysyllabic blather i've heard since graduating college.

i never understand why people who have absolutely nothing to communicate go out of their way to convey it in the most tedious way possible.

why bother talking so much if you're not going to say anything?

anyway, i'm already late for the door.

i see a big plate of hot fuck in my immediate future.

bon appetit.

Coughing up phlegm. I'm sick and I didn't get the job and I'm just really REALLY crabby.

I've been spending too much time here:
http://oostendorp.net/galaxy.cgi
and
http://everything.slashdot.org

Addictions. They've been keeping me from Sorabji.com.

I'm tired and achy and don't want to lay down and I don't want to go anywhere and i don't want to sit at my computer... The only thing I've actually done is pace around my little tiny room.
I don't want to do that either.

Illness is so frustrating to me. I can't stand to be disabled like this. I need to be outside in this wonderful weather getting muddy on my mountain bike. I need to be out there.

But the phlegm stands in my way.

I'm going to just drink orange juice and bemoan my fate.

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http://marvin.smoothness.org

three days off work, three days on my own up here on the mountain, having the hounds in to watch Homicide with me, eating lots of expensive junk foods, staying late on the internet, inviting all the animals into my bed, catching up on the latest sorabjite angst. what a weekend. there could even be pie. i don't deserve such an abundance of joy.

i wish you could all be here to see how perfectly beautiful it is. big fat full moon tonight, blossoms and wildflowers all around, buckbrush spewing pollen at the bees, herps digesting their first rodents of the season, horses whuffy and sleek.

the best part about friday morning staff meetings is that when you get back to your desk there is a little note saying how much $$$$ they have deposited in your bank account for you while you were at the meeting, in this case eating cake and ice cream at eight-thirty a.m.

women, friends forever. boyfriends/husbands are mostly temporary. girlfriends are constant and abiding.

i'm lighting the ylang-ylang early tonight.

such an idiot

so fucking sick of crying almost every day and it's been over 6 months.

can't wait 'till this sad self-pity nostalgia-fest is over.

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such an idiot

so fucking sick of crying almost every day and it's been over six months

can't wait until this sad self-pity nostalgia-fest is finished

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such an idiot

so fucking sick of crying almost everyday, and it's been over six months

can't wait till this sad self-pity nostalgia-fest is finished.

apparently three times the idiot

at least i'm laughing now, you should too

back home and staying home. writing abusive e-mail responses and calling as many people as possible "chucklehead monkeyfuckers".
apparently this is a revised version of my "chucklehead motherfucker" retort which i used ad nauseam during my AT&T Wireless Services tenure.
somehow, i think the reason i stopped being promoted at ATTWS was directly related to my last boss overhearing me referring to her as that cute little epithet.
fuck it.
no loss. living in seattle was driving me fucking insane, and all those evil bastards at AT&T eat babies for breakfast, anyway. no point in keeping company like that.

right now i'm wishing J&R was open 24-7. i'm about to install cakewalk on this high-dollar laptop i got with my last promotion, and now i'll need a midi to-host cable to connect to the yamaha.

i think after all these years as a mac user, i've finally gotten off the apple wagon.

anybody wanna buy a used powermac?

Wondering why almost everyone here seems to be in the throes of mourning a lost love! It's nearly summer -- y'all need to get out there & get jiggy wid it!

And thinking that of all the friends I've had of both sexes over the years/women were & are the best. Becuz they rarely disappoint me. I can only think of 1 time that any of my 3 bestgirls has ever let me down/or not been there when I needed her. (And none of them ever went after my man.) Can't say the same for my guy friends (not abt going afte my man, tho'). They were notorious for canceling on me at the last mintue anytime the possibility of somehot&funky
presented itself. Altho' they were insightful abt what was going on inside the head of whatever man I may have been w/at the time. And they were up for taking long drives to nowhere more often than my girls were.

But none of them have stayed in touch since I moved to FL. My girls however/still call &/or write. Two don't have computers & one is legally blind /so e-mail is a bit cumbersome. But she still calls.
----------------------------------Don't write all of us females people off just yet, Nate. You've always seemed like the type who appreciates female friendships. Maybe a new woman friend is just what you need.
----------------------------------
And puleeze, Sheila -- can I come & work for you? Cake & ice cream at staff meetings! What's next -- a pitcher or Ritas during yr annual review? Bring Your Geese To Work Day?
----------------------------------
Enjoy yr time w/yr folks, Swine. Hope yr Dad is feeling better.
(Are you an uncle yet? S'gotta be soon, right?)

Following the progress of my sister's tennis-player boyfriend on my computer. He (A. Valdez) will be playing against the top seeded player (G. Gauthier, who has been 6-0 every game) in less than an hour.

He is going to lose. I feel sorry for my sis: I think Adrian is sort of a high-maintenance loser.

takin' a break from putting images into my thesis. I am tired and would really like to be outside in the sun today. The leaves are starting to come out big time and it's a balmy 75 degrees or so. It's stuffy in my office, located in a brick building with few windows and no air conditioning. Listening to punk rock to keep me awake: Fugazi, Butthole Surfers, Alice Donut, and an English punk compilation.

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slowly winning the ground war against the insidious black locust invasion. I figure if I can dig up 30-40 a week, I'll have it beat by 2015.

Just popped in to see waht's up.. There's a couple bands on campus tonight I'm going to see in a minute. I got my earplugs, they're hardcore bands. I'm betting hardly anyone shows.

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OOoh I have a sinus headache. Bought a new cat litter box and came home and discovered we were out of cat litter. Flew into an instantaneous rage and ran and got some and when I got home one of the housemates was like "hey, did you get any cigarettes?" and I just didn't have any energy left from humming like a too tight wire all the way to the petSMART so I just meekly handed a pack over. Worst thing about that romantic love shit is knowing rationally you'll be better in time (during those spaced out 10 minutes of rationality here and there) and being completely unable to imagine the contours of a life without the pain, because that would be accepting really that it was over, and it isn't yet.

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