getting ready to buy some tires.

by trying to look up the consumer reports on them.

and being stymied by their subscription process.

i did something wrong, but I don't know what.

Wondering what it must be like to be Nate - the Pan-gender Internet Sex God. And still thinking that a Nate-Swine clone wd be the Second Coming /if I cd pull it off in my lifetime. But a human can't have nothing buy Y chrosomes... Who shd I use for the female half of the genes? Halle Berry/Tyra Banks/or Sarita Choudry?

Surfing from my parents' hse. -- they just got a big gnarly computer that's MUCH faster than mine w/a 17-in.monitor/ the whole 9 (but I picked it out). There's nothing weirder than teaching yr 68-yr.-old mother how to use a mouse. And realizing that I can't access the boards w/out having the AOL backdoor URL/which is on my hardrive at home.

Being generally depressed/but too broke find any mood-inhancing substances/or go out to a bar & pick up a boytoy.

And I gotta e-mail Agatha -- I think Six has a UTI. But how on earth do I tell for sure?

highly amused after discovering that if you view the source file to this page you can determine exactly where each message was posted from.

Some of you have some interesting "roommates."

i have no interesting roommates. none. zero.

being frightened by margret's theory on child rearing. cleo decided not to wear the kitty hat last night. she wore a tutu, instead. she had a better time at the party than i did. i hate parties.

i miss the city.

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Bored to death so I figured..what the hell, go online and see whats happenin'. Same shit.....not a damn thing.

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just sitting here clicking, like i've been doing for hours, and feeling a bit weirder than thou...

but no......

Congratulating Sem on his M.A. (Now you're a scholar AND a future rock star.)

And being generally pissed off after spending all nite trying unsucessfully to download a McAfee program. (Even the So. American mirror site was inacessible due to too much traffic...)

And worrying that Six has a UTI. Even tho' she seems okay. I wish today were Monday so I cd get her to the vet @ 7:00am. But instead/I shall get myself some sleep.

glad i got off my ass and went to crooklyn.

ended up running into ricky sebastian at that bar near prospect park that i don't like so much.

he says jaco was ready to die.

doesn't make me feel any better about it.

jaco was the shit.

ricky was mad mellow.

i want to go to new orleans.

but not now.

right now i just want to go to bed.

STICK YOUR PENIS IN A SOCKET AND PRAY FOR DEATH!!!

Acknowledging that it'd true, I was alive before Dill Pickle potato chips. But what got me up on the last day before the end of my vacation? I cannot fathom anything which could have levered me out of bed before dill pickle potato chips.
Swine, Jaco WAS ready to die.
I have no penis.

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who needs roommates when you have geese?

counting heads. something from the forest killed one of The Bad Lois' cows last night, ate most of it before daylight. A 500+ pound cow. All my guys are safe, and there is a new hound on the premises (aussie-border collie, long story), but this time of year everything does whatever it can to stock up, get fat, and survive next winter. Next weekend is the Coyote Howl, which always coincides with the first weekend the real coyotes come out of their dens and teach the youngsters to hunt. If you can get them to answer you by your howling, it's $500. We are easily amused up here.

I worked in the hell hole Saturday, while Kathi's daughter was married. I think there are spores from the previous century hanging in there, because it always makes me sick for a couple of days. And a tourist came in who knows the place where I used to drive to Chicago from St. Louis to have lunch. He said they once drove to Milwaukee for dinner, and people thought they were crazy. So he was happy to meet someone in an obscure gold rush town in California who once drove to Chicago for lunch (well, many times). Once I flew to Chicago for lunch, when I lived in San
Francisco. What is it about lunch in Chicago? Was I impulsive, or what? See how easily we are amused...

I think I forgot to say:
Sem, congrats my man! I may get mine soon, in the plea bargain I struck with my dept. when I finally admitted out loud to myself and them that I wasn't gonna ever write no dissertation, but there I was with all that other work done. I owe them $230 though. Should prolly pay it, huh? But Sem actually still likes his field, and he is succeeding at it! Yay Sem!
Um...cow, huh? Sheila, not to alarm you, but you have heard of the sasquatch, right?

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about to get myself in a lot of trouble. again.

gotta figure out how to maneuver this one without hurting anyone or fucking up.

i'm addicted to the rush. the first hug. the first kiss. the first touch. the uncertainty of love and heartbreak.



is that so wrong?



and i mean, how could i turn down a spur of the moment trip to New Zealand?

wondering if Sheila lives in the same obscure gold rush town in California that her relatives live in. Sonora?

...$500 to get a coyote to answer? Heck, I'd be rich if they did that here. Maybe our coyotes have a better sense of humor than yours.

The real test is getting a wolf to answer. When I can do that, I'll be special.

even more obscure, but I work in Sonora, which is the county seat of the county adjacent to the one where I live.

Our coyotes are known for their lack of humour. In fact they are cynical.

Sarah, as you are biologically inclined the special feelings from the beginning are limerance...they're chemicals. Why would it be wrong to dig that? Tell the milk drinker you're a better friend than a lover (I know I am) and you just gotta have your chemical limerance fix. I, personally, don't think I'm suited to either monogamy or polygamy, more a sort of self love with occasional hardcore cheating in a not open but occasionally negotiable relationship. Relationships are too much hassle. Friendships are much better. Friendships with squeaking springs every 3 or 4 mos as scheduling permits for 72 straight hours are bliss. Especially if you can have a little sumpinsumpin on the side. But easiest if you never officially "date." The coyotes in new mexico seem to be characterized by sublime indifference with the occasional benevolent poodle theft.

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Gee, Sheila -- you didn't need to move all the way to the No
Cal woodlands to be surrounded by methed-up serial killers. You cd've stayed in L.A. for that. And had a better selection of restautants.

Pls. tell me you have a gun or 2. (I never thought I'd hear myself say this...) A pistol for yr truck & something bigger for the hse. I know the geese wd defend you to the last feather. But I'm worried now.
One random psychopathic murderer is tolerable. A gang of them -- on drugs -- is scary. Even if those 4 end up in jail/they might have siblings.

Good look on the coyote howl. Sounds like an event that belongs in the Sorabjifest.

not getting as much email as he hoped he would.

Sheila, I have trouble picturing coyotes as cynical. They are dogs, after all, and cynical is more of a cat thing. Dogs just don't seem capable of cynicism to me.

I'd prefer to think of your coyotes as sophisticated. The coyotes here seem like the type of people who'd ride around in pickup trucks throwing empty Keystone Light cans out the window; perhaps yours would be the type you'd find sitting in a cafe on Telegraph sipping lattes and reading Kafka or Hemingway. They simply don't have the patience for us wanna-be's.

I spent the eve of my birthday last fall sitting by a campfire with a friend and his dog. Whenever the coyotes would start yipping my friend and I would yip back. They's answer for a bit and then fall silent. A few minutes later they'd resume their calling, except they'd be a couple hundred yards closer each time.

Meanwhile our canine friend Shiloh would start growling and snarling as if to say, "What are you doing inviting those assholes to our party, eh?"

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Having an espresso at the Cafe Reggio, waiting for the Man.

1. we put salt into the slush to make the bongwater colder.

2. hours later, we were hitting the saltly bong.

3. melted ice made the water level high.

4. i took a massive hit and a mouthfull of salty bong water.

5. moving towards the sink, i forgot i had to exhale.

6. i spit the saline bong juice out with a cloud of smoke.

7. i realize there is bong chunk stuck in various parts of my mouth and throat. i close my mouth to 'expectorate'.

8. i receive a poignent lesson in where vomit goes if your mouth is closed.

9. i spend hours blowing chunks of dinner from my sinuses.n

going to let someone know that the fact that perhaps someone's life is being saved does not mitigate the irritation impacts of the MediVac helicopter going over at treetop level.

Inconsiderate thoughtless jerks. Probably had to rescue some explosion victim when a meth lab went up. Taxpayer $$$ at work.

Looking for Ben Buford.

stressed out.

i'm thinking i could use some of that "executive treatment" that sweet-dick willy used to hook up with in the oral office...

mental note: bring up possible internship opportunities at next managerial meeting.

that would do wonders for improving my work environment...

27 today. big whoop.

Sasquatch, eh? THey're supposed to be vegetarians. Never heard of one attacking a cow. What's intereseting is that supposedly just about the whole thing was eaten. Points to either one very large animal (unlikely) or several medium sized animals (more likely). Probably wild dogs on my guess. Maybe coyotes or wolves. Maybe a cougar.
maybe chupacabra.

was all the blood missing, by chance?

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LLAMA! You know of course that change, even though it is good, is stressful. You have a lot going on right now. Take your temperature.

Because the carcass was eaten from the hind quarters toward the front, I suspect coyotes. I don't know about the blood, but my goats were safe, so it probably wasn't the goat sucking thing. Paddington the Goat BayBee has knocked down three buildings with his horns, so he's probably not worth the trouble. A big cat would have gone for the tenderloin first, and because we didn't hear anything from the victim, I think maybe lion. The cows tend to huddle silently when there are coyotes nearby, but a cat would do an instant kill and this animal got separated somehow, so I just don't know. It's a jungle out there.

On nights when Bad Things Happen, the geese are eerily silent. Gibbous moon in the dark time.

Everyone is the neighborhood ( meaning about ten square miles) is armed, except me. And everyone knows that. So, when one of the locals is picked off after a particularly offensive episode, I will not be a suspect. I have arranged it so that Sasquatch will be blamed.

It is mowing day. Todays Mowing Song is "Put de Lime in de Coconut", relieved by the Third Brandenburg.

trying to make something of something that wasn't intended to be made something of.

I particularly like the orange one in the upper right corner which portrays one of the aspects of the protagonist in lifelike detail

look at me! i'm Funny Face Ball man! i got a bunch of Funny Face Balls for a head!

now gimme some candy!

Wishing my Wetfly a very Happy Birthday!!

I got your gift right here babe!!!!

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Throwing one of Bumpy Jonas's henchmen out the window.

was informed that I am going to be recieving a computer from my dad for a birthday/graduation present. This is good, since I'll need my sorabji fix more than ever once I move to a new area and have no one to talk to at first.

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Wishing our Lamakins a happy B.D.! Now -- go forth & get zooted. You've got an M.S. & another year under yr belt!

But I'm still leery abt this moving to Missouri thing...

BTW -- Six wenrt to the vet/was diagnosed w/a 104 fefer 102 if normal cat temp.) & bladder infection & put on antibiotics (all for the low, low price of $107! Thank God for plastic.) Her is much, much beddar now.

long good weekend.

maybe it's a result of my severe distaste for not only my job, but my entire industry, but for whatever reason i've lost a lot of my youthful inhibitions about doing drugs (isn't it supposed to work the other way around?). Did 3 e's and some other minor things this weekend and did a 36 hour party. The truth is, it was really excellent and I have no complaints.

Still, I think I just need to motivate myself to get the fuck out of advertising. At 26 this may be ok, but I don't to be a 45 year old hack who hates his job and lives for the weekends.

I've seen plenty of them and it's pretty scary stuff.

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Wisconsin, not Missouri. (God, not Missouri...)
Glad Six is doing better. I need to go home and get ahold of a couple realtors down in Wis. to let them know I'm coming down next week to look at apts.
Too much to do, not enuf time!

[email protected]

Missouri is a great place to live, so long as you know the places to avoid as if they were open barrels of anthrax.

Wondering what is wrong w/Americans.

I saw the family of the 3 women who were killed in the national park near Sheila's crib on Oprah today. "Talking abt the tragedy." WHY do people feel the need to go on t.v. & discuss the horrors of their lives? I'll bet you nobody does this in Europe (& they do have talk shows there). I'll bet none of the relatives of those people who were killed when that pilot knocked down the gondola in Italy went on t.v. to talk abt it.

Are Europenas smarter than us/or do they just have more class?

NO YOU'RE A' PEE'IN!
NO YOU ARE!!
NUH UH!
YES HUH!
BUTTHEAD!
BOOTYSNIFFER!
SEX!
SHIT!
OOOOOOOOOO!
NO YOU ARE!

down with the eurowankers.

Pouring whiskey on the house down at the No Name Bar in the Village.

FUCKFUCKFUCK!

I am afraid.
Very afraid.

I think I fucked up my computer & that once I turn it off/it won't ever start up again.
Like my last hoopdee. back in 1988. I prayed to it: "Oh please, just start one more time & get me the hell out of New Jersey/over the bridge/& back to Queens. Then I'll let you die a peaceful death."

My hoopdee got me home in one piece. But she never started again.

And I just know my computer's gonna do the same thing once I shut it off. All becuz I tried to load MS Office 97.

I got thru most of the installation. Then it detected that I already had Office95 & asked to delete it. And of course/like an idiot/I clicked Yes (I needed the hardrive space). So it continued installing & go abt 90% of the way thru. Then it started giving me these error msgs. that "such-&-such file cd not be installed/wd no load "/whatever. I realized none of the files were loading/so I clicked Abort.

BIG mistake.

I cdn't get the program to close. Had to reboot to get the CD-rom drive to open so I cd remove the disk. Then/when I tried to load it again /it told me "Office 97 was already in the process of loading" ?? But I had to ABORT that install -- doesn't it know that?

So then I went to Explorer & deleted all the MS Office files on my hardrive. Tried to load Office 97 again. Got a msg. that "higher level files are missing. Cannot install".

Fucking-a-wonderful!

So I said/Well, I can reinstall Office95 -- I've got the disks. But THAT wdn't run either: same 'higher level files' msg.

So if you guys don't hear form me for a while/it's becuz I am computerless. And I don't wanna hang out @ Sorabji on y parent's computer. I shudder to think what
my world wd be like if they started frequenting this place...

S'alright!
I was able to boot up again! Yaaah!

Now/how do I figure out what files are
missing/so I can installed Office 97?
Any ideas on how I screwed that up?

wondering how rc got a pull down menu right smack in the middle of her post.

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(Just stupid/I guess.)

But hey/all you techheads: I think I figured out the problem. When I tried to reinstall MS Office 4.0 (my old version is 4.0/not 95)/which was the original program/in the middle of loading disk 1/it told me : "Office was unable to locate Setup.exe. Pls. correct this & try installing again."

So/who knows what this means? It's gotta be one of the MSOffice files I deleted earlier (& yes -- I emptied the recycle bin rigfht after deleting them. Becuz when R.C. fucks up/she does it thoroughly!)

If anyone knows what this file contains & can e-mail me a copy & tell me where to install it/I will come to yr hse. & personally make you a pitcher of my Best Margaritas.
And a batch of tequila shrimp fajaitas too.

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wondering how Gay Stu can get away with using my copyrighted tagline.

*chomp chomp*

Indeed.

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back from FL tonight. Spent all damn night getting home too. Glad to be home. Wish the humidity would go somewhere tho.

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