reporting on the veterinarian's findings that The Bad Lois' cow died from a rattlesnake bite directly to the nose, and that the coyotes and buzzards got at her before the corpse was discovered. No lion was involved, no sign that it was a cat kill.

It's that time of year. When I go out, I carry a syringe of Azium just in case. Down in the village, each year a couple of dogs are lost to snake bites. Nothing you can do except be very careful. Unusual for such a large animal to die, but a bite in the face is usually fatal sooner rather than later, and the baby rattlers do not know how to regulate their venom injections, they just pump it all out, and they have as much as an adult. Later they learn to regulate the dose to the relative size of the prey item, but the babies are extremely dangerous until then.

About ten more days until baby ducks.

Peonies are popping. Dyssodia everywhere. And of course, Blue Dick up the beduphus.

R.C. honey:
(1) never interrupt an install ever again. if it's not actually doing anything, it's not actually doing damage. Let it finish, and then reboot. Then do this:
(2) click start, mouse up to setting, choose control panel. Double click on add/remove programs. Please, please, please remove all your programs this way in Windows 95. If you don't have it listed, then do it the slash and burn way.
(3) do me a favor and call AOL tech support until you get someone relatively cool on the phone (I know it's a hassle but think of it this way: you're costing them $ every time that toll free number connects). When you get someone relatively cool on the phone tell them you just need some idea where people would post downloads for registry cleaning within the confines of the AOL downloadables. They may take a minute and look for you. Tell them you don't need help downloading, you don't need their endorsement, you just want to know where the free registry cleaning programs might be. Then download one. I think there's one called regdoctor that doesn't suck. And sister, please run it.

[email protected]

realising that if you are generally reclusive, curling up and hiding proves somewhat difficult.

On a pay phone in Harlem, overlooking the aftermath of the rescue of Bumpy's daughter and recommending that Detective Androzzi "close it (him)self, Shitty!"

Feeling good!

looking at the big picture.

this morning the boy was holding a bunch of broccoli and the caption said "naturally it's annoy boy"

now it says something different.

and i'm not so sure about the broccoli.

caffine.

danger.

sex.


a jedi fears not these things.

only in sorabjiland: offering broccoli as a love token.

Taking a pistol from the freezer and replacing it with the sidearm I've been carrying all morning, Baby.

rinsing his equipment with de-ionized water before and after every use.

Happiness is a cold gun...? I guess it all depends on where you wear it.

Living in America!!!

editing editing editing editing editing editing

brain sizzling sizzling sizzling....

[email protected]

damn pagemaker keeps hanging up when I try toplace a story...GRRRR!

almost done with revisions, and done for the night.

see you all in the morning

[email protected]

Wishing Sheila wd post her e-mail address for once...

And asking Sheila what is prolly a dumb question/but hey -- I'm a city girl:

If a rattlesnake bite can kill an entire cow /now come the buzzards & coyotes don't at least get sick from eating the poisoned carcass? I know they're not immune to snake vemom -- if a rattler bit a coyote/it'd be a goner.

Thanking Margaret for the computer 411. And gazing lovingly at Nate's bitmap.
(hehehe)

so over nate-lust

or maybe i'm jealous

waking up.

looks like those kids are shooting at each other again.

maybe i should go back to sleep.

maybe we should start kicking some ass.

maybe we should start calling for the four day work week, so parents can spend more time with their kids.

maybe we should pay folks enough money so that parents can afford to have someone at home for the kids.

maybe i should get that vasectomy...

[email protected]

Gettin' up offa that thing!!!

"heh heh heh heh heh... Call Me Daddy."

i love you all.

no qualifiers, ok? i won't try to explain the kind of love it is, it's undefined.

life is somehow good despite the tragedies and ills that around us all the time. it's still a beautiful day. live in the moment. love one another.



and no, i'm not smoking crack.

[email protected]
http://syrup.org/visions

smoking crack

cursing the entire ancestral line of the devil who came up with Arcview GIS. IT's starting to print symbols in place of text at random spots on my maps.

there are days when I really hate computers.

[email protected]

"So long as I remain alive and well I shall continue to feel strongly about prose style, to love the suface of the earth, and to take a pleasure in solid objects and scraps of useless information."

-George Orwell - today's page on my quote-a-day desk calendar.

bidding Nannie a sweet adieu. Peaceful rest dear lady.

[email protected]

Jim, my condolences.

listening to my messages....

hearing the monkeyboy speak the same words but in a different tone... and i guess he's not the "monkeyboy" anymore, anyway.

we all grow up to some extent eventually.

back when we lived down the street from eachother on the other side of the continent it was all free swill insanity
freelance pharmacy.
free to be you and me.
monkeyboy had a doll and i didn't really give a shit.

now we're older and more involved with our own flovor of bullshit.

my flavor tastes like money, but has an aftertaste like licking an empty aluminum tube. but it's ok. i can complain, but who will listen? it's what everyone wants, right?

suckers.

in the end, it's all what you make of it. you can spew polysyllabic blather, spread emotional slather, eat digital redemption, drown in pseudo-intellectualism or whatever the fuck floats your boat.
in the end you've got about 60 to 90 years to do some GOD DAMN THING.

it's all your choice.

so what ya gonne do?



me?


shit, man.

i dunno.

i got to see a lot, make my mom and dad proud, see my siblings do well, and generally have a fucking incredibly good and horribly bad time at it.

i feel pretty well-rounded.

what's the point?

i dunno.

i may be drunk...

but i have this feeling that something very big is about to happen.

waiting for the goose madonna.

[email protected]

I have to ask: is the monkeyboy now a monkeyman? Because I am just a monkeywoman, and...

[email protected]

Notre dame des waterfowl?

[email protected]

monkeyboy would send you back to denver in tears.

but it might be fun to watch...

i'll mail you his number.

Staying on the scene, like a sex machine!!!

jump back! soil muhself!

thanks, Sarah!

[email protected]

Monkeyboy would...would...? Ahh, whatever. I have to admit that I like having speculative relationships with many people, all the time, with no actuality. Big old crushes. I like having crushes. I like the idea of having a crush on someone you refer to fondly as Monkeyboy. And, y'know, Monkeyman is the song that made me stop saying that the Rolling Stones had no value ever whatsoever to any culture. So there's a lyricism in a crush on monkeyboy. Nobody sends me home in tears but my mother. And she's not even trying. Swine, you don't by any chance spend time with my ex- who lives in NYC do you? Because you taunt me exactly as he would. He's one of my favorite ex-boyfriends. Does the name Rosenfeld resonate with you?
PJ, sorry to hear about Nannie. It is good that you went to see her.

[email protected]

actually, you would probably leave monkeyboy with that silly confused look on his face he gets when trying to process too much information at once...

i just wanted to fuck with your female macho. such a thing is always fun to play with. and besides, if i couldn't taunt you, you'd be no fun.

i dunno how much of a crush you'd have on the monkeyboy if you met him. he's a genuinely skewed motherfucker who has hunter thompson sensibility and charlie manson eyes.
always wears suits.
always.

we used to work together at ATTWS in seatown. one night we were talking about how straight male flight attendants must have it made. (next to zero competition, lots of female co-workers, spend lots of time in foreign cities where neither of you know anyone else except eachother, etc, etc.)
so next time i see him he's got a Delta job application in hand and is dead-set on becoming a sky-whore.

fly the friendly skies.

yeah, no shit.

he lives up in queens now. i'll probably see him later on tonight when we go out to inflict damage on ourselves and anyone/thing in the immediate vicinity.

if you want i can have him look you up next time he flies into denver.

i'd love to see how that rendezvous turns out.

hung over. Scanning some stuff. I really want to be done.

Going down Ft. McCoy way to try and find an apt. It's not looking good for finding something in the nearby town, which sucks, since I could get half a duplex for like $450. I may have to live in LaCrosse where rent is higher and commute the 30-odd miles each way.

condolences jim.

[email protected]

rip Augustus Pablo.

august 11, 1999

fuck the french.

breaking out in a cold sweat!!!

Sorry for yr loss ,PJ. But al least you got to say goodbye.

*sigh* Seems like Swine has da coolest friends... He shd bring Monkleyboy to the Sorabjifest & pit him against Mad Margret.
(Didn't forget yr recipe, podling. I'll finish the e-mail after dinner.)

what's up w/ 8/1/99?

mir will come hurtling through the atmosphere, impact like armaggedon time and turn paris into an astray.

but it's ok, cuz after all paris is in france.

fuck the french.

FUCK THE FRENCH!

you're just saying that cuz you're dating a mail order bride vietnamese girl.

oh, and 8/1/99 is the first day of lent for deadheads.

fucking racist cunt.

yeah right. i'm a racist. NOT. chill out ok? i'm sorry, i was just joking.

thankin' R.C. too.

[email protected]

In serious need of a pedicure.

Sorry for your loss Jimbabe.

gonna take a muscle relaxer or two and smoke some greens and pound a few beers.

[email protected]

loaded for bear. Have to wait two weeks though. I'm suffering serious withdrawals.

way too busy this spring. Next year only one baseball team. Not enough time for the important stuff. And the big freezer's got way too much space available.

Sheila, cat kills are very easy to identify. Email me if you ever want details, I'll spare the rest of you.

And Jim, condolences from here also.

Thinking that Mark is a pretty good amateur photographer.
I esp. liked the blue fish.

what are you doing?
who are you?
what are you doing?
who do you think you are?
what are you doing?
what are you?

you are what you do.

what you say you are is what you wish to be.

what you do is who you are.




what do you do?


motherfucker.

in the end it doesn't matter to me.

big,
bigger.
bigger than that.
bigger than this.
bigger than your mother.

i ditched all my designer friends tonight.

i ditched all the loop fiends.

i ditched all the vultures.

manhattan is filled with vampires.

they will not suck my blood.

what you do is who you are.

who you are is what you say.

what you say is what you be.

what you lie is the truth you tell.

how you sweat is how you smell.

don't sweat the bullshit.

be.

motherfucker.

even if you have to beat the downpresser man into bloody pulp.

be.

motherfucker.

be.

motherfucker.

be.

stop he who make ye be not who ye be. motherfucker.

be smart.

be right.

be righteous.

stand firm,

stand firm.

stand firm.

know this.

motherfucker,

you are empty.





be full.

Simon, I am interested in the signs of cat kill. Don't spare me.

[email protected]

long, deep claw marks, broken neck, degutting, major bloodletting/spattering, the choice cuts eaten first. i did not go look at the cow cadaver. whenever anything gets killed here, people want to assume it's a lion because they find that exciting. but there is no mistaking a cat kill, that is correct. usually there will not be much left to examine. pumas cover their kills and save some for later, or for the babies; they rarely put it up a tree, but it does happen where there are so many coyotes and buzzards. their usual prey is deer, and they eat the whole thing even if it takes a couple of days, leaving the antlers, hooves and part of the face.

from time to time they hit a flock of sheep or goats, and kill a couple of dozen, leaving them lying about, but more often it's a take-out dinner sort of thing.

there are no reported cases of lions having eaten killed humans, even small children. mountain lions stalk and pounce, just enough to live on.

Fuck the french. Fuck the french-canadians as well.

Fuck'em.

Fuck'em if they can't take a joke.

Fuck me.

Them asses have spoken.

[email protected]

inmyexperiencesexisthedominatingfactorinlife.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
inmyexperiencedeathisthedominatingfactorinlife.
killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill.
inmyexperiencemoneyisthedominatingfactorinlife
buybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuybuy.
inmyexperiencethefrenchsuckfrenchsuckfrench

fuck the french.

EIYIEYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI YIYIIYIEIYIYIYIEIYIYIYIEIYIEYIIEIIAIA IYIYIIYIYIYIYIIYIYIYI!!!!!!

fuck 'em up the ass with a big rubber dick.

[email protected]

You must have hungry lions, Sheila.

Ours behave quite differently from yours. Around here they take only the liver. Then they bury the kill. Most years there's plenty of other prey available and they leave it to the scavengers and look for another live one. The choice cuts usually go to the golden eagles or the coyotes. A healthy adult lion here will kill 2-4 white tails a week.

The weaker cats will hang around the same carcass for a few days and finish it. They may only kill once every 1-2 weeks.

I don't have any lions, and now I feel so bereaved and so bereft. Up by where my boss lives there are lions.

[email protected]

at this elevation (4000') we have mainly migratory deer, with known but isolated fawning grounds and three resident herds in a very large area consisting of national forest, state forest and Yosemite, and BLM lands. at my particular place, there is plenty of stuff to eat, and deer is a treat. the cats are pretty careful not to take cows, they have learned that where cows and calves are available, there are bad people nearby. once in a while a pony or foal, but our lions are very reclusive. the habits i cited are only the ones observed. what they do in their own time is not known. "hungry" usually means they come into the yard, or into the barn or into town. the sheep/goat thing seems to be a sporting event where everyone gets carried away (except the bodies).

margret, most of the really neat stuff (in addition to big predators) is not so conspicuous, it's all around you and you might not know it. take a look.

But Sheeeila: You still haven't s'plained why The Bad Lois is bad. And how scavengers can eat rattlesnake kills & not get sick from the venom.

I tried e-mailing The Discovery Channel for an answer to #2/but still no response.

Swine -- light up a spliff & calm down, bro'. You're gonna give yrself an aneurysm.

Also: Six must've gotten hold of a copy of the Patient's Bill of Rights/becuz now she's refusing to take her meds. I'd been crushing them up in (people) tuna/becuz she'd decided the day before yesterday that she doesn't like the canned food I've been using to get her antibiotics into her. She liked the tuna fine yesterday. Then this morning/she decided she's not going to eat it. It's been sitting in her bowl all day. I can't bear trying to get her to swallow the pills -- she thinks I'm trying to kill her when grab her & try to pry her mouth open. (Wdn't you?) She spits the damn pill out before I can get it down her throat. And I hate the way she skulks round afterwards/looking at me like I'm Satan's handmaiden.

But if she doesn't finish her meds/I'm scared her bladder infection won't clear up.

Sheila? Aggie? Cat people -- any suggestions?

Can I try dissolving them in some half-&-half? Can you mix animal antibiotics w/dairy? I'm not even sure if they're water-soluable...