scared. Really scared.

I found a wierd sore spot on the sole of my right foot. I have prodded it and gouged it with sharp objects, and it remains as it began. I know names of some foot issues, corns, bunions, but I don't know what those are so I don't know if this could be one of those. I have to pull out my swiss army knife and perform a little minor surgery (eradicate it from the surface of my epithelium) because it MIGHT just be a piece of glass from my last urban hiking episode that I didn't notice because of the 3 square inch blisters I ended up with on the ball of each foot, which really command attention!
The queen secretary is on vacation next week and I am the fulcrum of all fuckery in her absence. Then my replacement starts the 2nd and I train her for 3 days before taking off to see Ace & Shanda get married in Santa Fe (there's something really satisfying about going to the wedding of an ex-boyfriend). 4 days in Albuquerque and mom doesn't even know I'm coming (yet). Then I train my replacement for 5 weeks and make sure she's a better secretary than I am, then I'm so fucking gone from that job! LSATs in October...got to get a real job, want to take some programming courses so a real job at the University seems to be important since I can go half-time for free if I get a job there. As long as I'm half-time, I don't have to pay back student loans. Fucking rock the house.

[email protected]

at work once again.

i was thinking about something i saw in mangle a while back.

some question about the possibility of asphyxiating oneself with ones own gaseous bowel emissions while sleeping.

i have decided it is not possible. if you are in such a tight area in which your assgas might build up to a point where you'd find yourself dead, you'd run out air due to normal resperation long before you could pass enough mystery wind to do the deed.

unless, of course, you were in some sort of special contraption in which tubes brought your exhale out of the box, yet your pool of available O2 was maintained within the box (which is, of course, the same box in which your ass resides.)

the best way i can think of to create such a device would be to utilize a gas mask picked up from a local army surplus store. unscrew the filter canister and screw in a hose.

then, using a pair of depends (tm) undergarments, a sealed aquarium of appropriate size (depending on the nature of your experiment,) and more tubing, you can construct a pair of "collector pants" which run the ethereal product by tube to the sealed aquarium. then all you have to do is attach the mask and tube to the aquarium, make sure everything is air tight, don mask and pants, and the experiment begins.

some 80's surplus parachute pants would probably work as a depends (tm) replacement. i know it can be difficult to gather up the courage to buy adult diapers.
if my 80's recal serves me, those parachute pants would gather up the stink quite well. especially if your mom ScotchGuarded them.

speaking of which, you can use that very same gas mask to make a scotchguard bong. a key element in the persuit of a little scotchguard huffin'.

http://www.drugstore.com/products/37758.asp?pid=37758&catid=9737

warning Margret not to mess up her foot gland. Hot as hell here, too hot to go outside and the car's in the shop, so enjoying an air-conditioned movie theater is out of the question. i could turn on my a/c but I pay for it and only use it when it gets above 80 in my apt.

Made #1 in a series of mix tapes for my friend back in MI, we plan to exchange jams. I was in somewhat of a down mood today and yesterday, so it reflects that, with Bauhaus, Pigface, joy Division, godflesh, Bob Mould, and more.

been having astring of bad luck lately: car problems (brakes and radio - along with steering and the engine, the most important things in a car), internet problems, I picked up the git-bx yesterday after fruitlessly spending a half hour trying to get on line and a string broke, and the wrasslin' has been pre-empted for the Atlanta Braves. Plus I tried to call a buddy and his phone's been disconnected.

I hop Fortuna's wheel takes an upswing soon.

[email protected]

orange juice

bleary eyes

it was the practise run for drunken august(tm)

it was fun


i like dancing

i like bourbon

i hate the next day

[email protected]

probably finished putting up firewood for the winter. The garage is now full, which means we should be OK for a long cold season.

Making firewood is very therapeutic, so no guarantees that I won't go off early one morning and whack out another cord just to maintain my mental health.

I don't know about ducks, but geese tend to take up residence wherever the female happens to live, which is why the Northwest has such an overpopulation of year-round honkers fouling the water supply. Hopefully some of your ducks will move on as you desire, Sheila.

I never once in my life owned or even had temporary possession of a pair of parachute pants. Is there some kind of an award for that?

listening to funkadelic.

(live in rochester, michigan. 12-SEP-71)


and i have only one (1) thing to say:

" I CALL MY BABY "PUSSY."
I SPELL IT P-U-S-S-Y ! "

Ugh.
Awake.
At 6:45 a.m. on a Sunday.
Fuck all you hosers.
Fuck you.
Got to drop Kelly and her kids off at the fucking airport and then take the ex-boyfriend out to find his ass steel toed boots in a men's size 13 wide which he couldn't find in 5 hours of shopping yesterday. Why? Because he doesn't know the fucking difference between what an upscale mall is likely to carry and what a fucking working class mall is likely to carry. And the sound of his whining gets on my nerves, so just like we were still dating I'm going to make the whining go away by tcob, instead of going to my room and shutting the door. But this is the absolute last fucking time.
If any of y'all are up now and you got up on your own not because you're still awake: fucking die you heartless bastards!

[email protected]

sleepy.

Why is it that I can sleep for days on end during the week when I have to go to work, but get up before the crows on the weekend.

During the week I lay in bed, procrastinating about getting up while thinking how tired I am and fantasize about how I am going to sleep in come Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday and Sunday rolls around and I'm up and outta bed at zero'dark'thirty like I have some place I need to be.

I haven't used an alarm clock in probably 6 months.

I feel it happening...... I'm like those older, retired for 20 years kinda people who get up while it's still dark out and tinker on transistor radios out in the garage, eat dinner at 2, and in bed by 7.

Instead of tinkering out in the garage, I sit in front of my computer, with coffee in hand, until I feel awake enough to face the day.

My doctor even said my "eggs are changing" which would explain the occassional late or missed period... meaning my body is gearing itself for the dreaded menopause. I'm only 35. I don't have my babies yet. I don't even FEEL 35... more like 20'something. This only happens to women who are old and have had all their babies and at a point in their lives where they are ready for the downhill side of life.... and it certainly wasn't going to happen to me.

Somethings gotta change.

I need to get on the stick.



Or A stick.

http://members.tripod.com/~X_kerri_X/2index.html

just waking up, and what did i do first?
turn on the dang computer.
Well no, visited the w.c. first.
Observed that no more water has come in through the heat lamp.
feeling remorse for not going to Mt. Zion this weekend. Coulda, didn't.
Chattahoochee next weekend, Redemption.
still haven't decided where to go in August. California, Tennessee, New York? I want to drive there though.

we all know what the northwest has an overpopulation of, fouling the water supply.

and it's not geese and/or ducks.

booom. boom.


boom.

Artillary pratice over at the fort this morning. Woke up at 9, in time to catch the new Voltron series - completely computer animated, even the characters. Not too bad, but they really need to work on hair, which i have heard is the hardest thing to recreate as CGI. Spent the whole morning watching television. Another blistering hot day and nothing to do and nowhere to go.

[email protected]

big break in the Yosemite murders cases.

shocking.

find a newspaper online where you can read about this. Sacramento Bee, or Sonora Union Democrat, or Fresno Bee, or S.F. Examiner.

Ann Rule, movie of the week, etc. and it feels icky to be so interested. up here, anyone that close is a neighbor. it's been the horrid feeling all along that one of our neighbors did it.

"sis, it's in your best interest to hand over your stash to me immediately. you may not understand right now, but by the time i'm through smoking all your pot the reasons behind my actions and the fact that i'm only doing this for the greater good should become crystal clear to you."

somehow i have my doubts about the probability of success utilizing this approach...

but hell, it's worth a try.

another fire. this time one of our Cultural Resources, the Lingerie Depot, is threatened. they are letting it burn.

I just finished watching "The Haunting". It was okay, the special effect were very trippy. I have been listeing to Sinead o Connors most popular album. Has any one else noticed that Alanis completley tried to rip off her vocal style? I wonder what the Chilis did at woodstock tonight? If me and Semillimas band played there i would get on the mic and tell everyone to take off all their clothes.

[email protected]

suffering reef rash.

robbie took me to a new break today and i could not get into the bowl, no matter where i paddled.
the ocean plays tricks on you like that.

gotta remember what bruce lee said:

be like water.


now, it's time for antibiotic ointment.

[email protected]

friday night i'm in the bar down the street listening to this guy blathering on and on about all the shit he has and how incredibly prosperous and fascinating he was.

"i own a yacht docked at battery city.
"i own 100 acres of land in wyoming."
"i own a townhouse in london."

i wanted to lean across the bar, look him square in the face and bark

"i own your mom."

but i didn't.
kinda wish i did.

that sentence has been cracking me up for about an hour now.

"i own your mom!"

"I OWN YOUR MOM."

i guess i'm easily amused.

listening to an awesome .wav file.

Remember "The Electric Company?"

[email protected]

why does everyone revert to the fifth grade each july?

even you who are grown ups.

is this a universal cultural trait? or is it just here, in sorabjiland?

recalling......Hey Nate, I have seen weird fetish contraptions for exactly what you are referring to. It's was in Extreme Fetish Magazine I believe. Gas masks, with a tube and a belt like thing around your waist witha leathler like undergarmentto hold what ever may come out that end and the stench is trapped. Pretty sick and fucked up devices.

holy shit! Staynor confessed!

do you know this guy, Sheila?

i wonder if he'll confess to the other murders too. and does this mean death row for him?

i know nothing about him except i remember his brother's case years ago.

they are already talking about the death penalty.

the FBI is back with all their stuff.

Relaxing after a wonderful fishing trip yesterday. Perfect day and I cant wait to do it again.

Jimbabe, I'll send you that pic but I dont know which e-mail address to send it to because your leaving work now...sooooo..either e-mail me and let me where to mail it or get on ICQ later tonight and I'll send it to you that way.

[email protected]

Back.

Seven weeks without a home computer and little time at the office to drop in.

It's 99 with a heat index of 113 here in St. Louis and there's no relief in sight. And Simon is somewhere chopping a garage full of firewood. I am so very jealous.

OK folks if yer bored, take a peek at my happy little web page which has expanded a bit. Take a look at the new section "Angry Sam's Rants & Raves". I also added another photo album in the last week.

if yer bored that is

[email protected]
http://members.tripod.com/accustat

I'm reading the response I received from the addled shitheads who screwed up the board.

"Sorabji.com is not hosted by us. Discontinue from contacting us about it.

Best regards,

Matrixcubed

They might try discontinuing poor public relations!!!

[email protected]
http://www.hansontax.com

None of the books have time
To say how being selfless feels,
They make it sound a superior way
Of getting what you want. It isn't at all.

Selflessness is like waiting in a hospital
In a badly-fitting suit on a cold wet morning.
Selfishness is like listening to good jazz
With drinks for further orders and a huge fire.

-Philip Larkin

The concert was great. Fastball, Sugar Ray, and The Goo Goo Dolls all performed wonderfully. Sugar Ray was supposed to be a Woodstock, but they cancelled. I'm glad they did. The Gorge Ampitheatre is gorgeous. It perches on a hilltop, overlooking the gorge. As the concert proceeds, you watch the sunset. It was a beautiful day too. Not too hot in the beginning, not too cold when the sun went down.

Our youngest broke his leg on Sunday over in CA. The X bought them bikes for when they are down there. Here, Beemer has a bike with handle brakes. His brother says he tried to stop, but couldn't find the brakes in time. Hit a parked car dead on. Poor little guy is in a cast up to his hip. I'll send him a get well card.

Toronto, 10:30am.
computer programmer traffic. no-one passes, no-one tailgates, no-one gives a shit when they get to work. ease on in at 11, take a 2 hour lunch, stay till 7 downloading porn on the company server. guys in Hawaiian shirts and sweat pants driving jeeps, turning into the IBM offices down the street, and me blasting Limp Bizkit. people driving by smiling and giving me the two-finger/heavy metal concert salute.

good morning

[email protected]

wondering why the shiny pig is so fucking angry with me.

just so everyone knows, sorabji.com is not hosted by matrixcubed.

torturechamber.com is.

glad he's not so fucking high and mighty.

[email protected]

Loving the month of July..Reverting to a 5th grader again makes me feel soooooo...so....so...young again. Wanna play
Duck Duck Goose Jimbabe?

[email protected]

Gonna play Duck Duck Goose with Dani but only if she promises to play Hide the Rattlesnake with me when we're done... and of course I will be the recipient of that long snake!

[email protected]

indignation is jealousy with a halo.

In agreement Jimbabe! Will a 19 year old Rattlesnake who's diet consists of mostly baby chicks do for you???

[email protected]

looking for a cigarette.

It's always more fun playing with people rather than animals.

[email protected]

looking for a cigarette.

It's always more fun playing with people rather than animals.

[email protected]

Handing Jimbabe a Newport. Your so right about that. People playing with people is the adult thing to do for sure.


Lord have mercy on that Rattlesnake. Betcha he's in serious need of a Newport right now too.

[email protected]

Puffin' that *Magic* dragon!

[email protected]

....LUCKY BITCH

[email protected]
http://members.tripod.com/accustat

Sitting at work putting off correcting a particularly nasty proof.

Thinking about lonliness.

Wondering if I'll actually play in my online game tournament tonight - or should I just ride my bike and pet my dog.

Still putting off correcting a page that looks like it was used to clean up a murder scene (whole lotta red on dat dere page)

I might just go home and hang. Drink a couple of beers. Play some guitar ... ok pluck at it ... and chill.

Have any of you ever read Bizarre Magazine?

[email protected]

YES

That's my new ... I dunno.

I looked at one a few weeks ago in Barnes & Noble, and I just went out and bought the newest issue.

I'm trying desperately to get out of work - I'm a half-hour away, but it seems an eternity.

My female co-worker is saying something about "Making girls sweat"

We're now having an in-depth discussion about underwear. One of my co-workers (female) objects strenuously to the word "panties."

Anyone?

I just informed my co-workers that I wear boxers. Plaid.

anyone?

Anyway, I can't say "the girls" ... or call them "ladies" .... I offered Dames or Broads ... and then I said I was shutting my mouth before I uttered some more common, present-day slang.

about three weeks behind at work. Suddent "urgent" things keep landing on my desk with instructions to give them immediate priority.

Every one of them so far has been non-routine, and generally ten times more interesting than the routine stuff.

Today I wrote up an accident report that took about three days to investigate. Bust up a GSA vehicle and the whole world wants to hang your ass. Except me. I'm Objectiveman, Defender of Truth and Unbiased Reporting. Somebody give me a theme song. A cool one, like Spiderman has.

Tomorrow I do sound dosimetry surveys. August 10th, hazardous waste characterization. If this keeps up, I may not have to do any boring stuff until after hunting season.

un...DER......wEAR???????


huh?


under what?

whats that,











underwear is too restricting, bad bad bad bad bad


nothing like comin home after a long day at work and finding your Joe Boxers twisted halfway around the equator, or fishing for the fucking pee hole or better yet trying to maneuver yer jimmy through those "flaps" on a pair of CK boxer briefs........she says they are sexy but with out them it is far more sexier...thats wha she says anyway......I would shave my head for her,


anyone seen my balls. er waffles

a high and mighty shiny pig.

hey man, nice swine.

Everyone wants to stand next to you when you're shiny.

Unless you smell like a pig.

man.

i was having a perfectly good day.

my car died on the off ramp coming home from aerobics tonight. this came as no surprise. she's 13 years old with 141,633 miles and has seen more states in the US than most people i know.

i came home from the mainland to find a leaky gasket. in addition to squeeky rear breaks, the entire gas chamber rusted away from the gas cap, and a worn front left wheel axel.

so i wasn't even cranky about it. i just got out of my car, walked to the nearest payphone and called a tow truck.

they said 20 minutes, but it was an hour. i waited patiently, sitting on the trunk, watching people watch me as they drove by in their thirsty SUVs and family sedans. one lady in an old Honda Accord like mine stopped and asked if i was ok and if i wanted someone to wait with me. she said, "i've been there." but i wasn't exactly in any danger. if i didn't have AAA, i'd have just left the dang car there and hitched a ride home.

but tell me... why are tow truck drivers such assholes? i don't know what their problem is, they have a really great racket going on with the police department here in honolulu. those fuckers rake in the money. my tow truck driver had no sense of humor. i was even smiling and being pleasant.

and how's this for a good attitude? i don't even care that my car is dead and it will probably cost me at least $700 to get it running again. fuck it, i'm just going to start riding my bike everywhere. now i have an excuse to do it, instead of talking about doing it, like i have been for six months.

[email protected]

going to be RICH! RIIIICH! REEEEEECH I TELL YOU! REEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!

i love my headhunter.