feeling lonely & homicidal. but i refuse to get fucking sappy about it.

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crimson, what you need is a sorabji.com t-shirt.


swine, send me some of the $90k you'll be making so i can fix my car ok? please?


jesus my ass is sore...


FROM RIDING MY BIKE, OK?

has sunk so low. the depths, the dregs. i am ironing shirts to wear to work. my shirts, my work. no one withn 50 miles that would do it for me, and i must have fresh silk every day.

oh to be in chaps and a t-shirt (sorabji.com natch) sweating out in the dirt again.

i think i'll have some of sarah's tea with ice, and pet the vicodin hounds.

this is sorrowful, because as you know i cannot actually iron shirts and do this at the same time. the Walker is playing tent under the ironing board; now i have to wash that shirt all over again.

i use parts of my real life in my work, but there is no place for my work life here at home. beginning to feel divided.

fuck the french.

ooohhh, I love that shiny pig.

Damn, is it cool anywhere right now? We do not have the luxury of A/C in the house. So I sit as close to a fan as possible all afternoon. Luckily, it cools way down at night.

Went to lunch with hubby, now I'll watch a cartoon and take a nap. What a rough life.

committing a 13-state killing spree while wearing a sorabji.com T-shirt.

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Barry Sanders does not have my permission to go into retirement. no more Barry Sanders Show on Monday nights? i am a Detroiter and i forbid it.

actually, the guy is probably just tired of playing for a losing team, considering he's one of the best football players in the league. and so close to breaking Peyton's record for rushing.

the Lion's management sucks hard to boot. obviously they want him back, but my guess is Barry is just looking to get recruited by a better team, and calling it retirement for now. fer chrissakes, the boy is only 31.


i cannot believe i'm actually talking about football. but Barry is the exception. wait, is he married?

shit, i might have to catch a plane to London tonight.

Now I have no reason to watch football anymore.


good.

went out witht he phase one crew yesterday to see what it was like. "Phase One" is what the najority of archaeological contract work is all about, and that's going out and digging a sample of an area where some gov't funded project will be doing construction. It involves laying out a 15 by 15 meter grid over the area in queastion and digging an 80 cm deep hole at each intersection on the grid. If you find anything, you have to dig four more holes around the orignal one at five meter intervals on each of the cardinal points, and if any of those is positive, you repeat the process until you get a negative hole (sterile). The real object of Phase one is to not find sites, as it entails more work for the phase one crew and more hassle for the gov't and whatever contracting firm that's waitingfor the archaeologists to finish. Basically, it's ass-breaking work. It made me very thankful that i get to measure old foundations instead.

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Now I have no reason to watch football anymore.


good.

went out witht he phase one crew yesterday to see what it was like. "Phase One" is what the najority of archaeological contract work is all about, and that's going out and digging a sample of an area where some gov't funded project will be doing construction. It involves laying out a 15 by 15 meter grid over the area in queastion and digging an 80 cm deep hole at each intersection on the grid. If you find anything, you have to dig four more holes around the orignal one at five meter intervals on each of the cardinal points, and if any of those is positive, you repeat the process until you get a negative hole (sterile). The real object of Phase one is to not find sites, as it entails more work for the phase one crew and more hassle for the gov't and whatever contracting firm that's waitingfor the archaeologists to finish. Basically, it's ass-breaking work. It made me very thankful that i get to measure old foundations instead.

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recalling my personal "Phase 1" and "Phase 2" from high school.since i was the first to get my license, I drove me and my croonies to school. I started with my pal who happend to be the most fucked of us all. Phase one, was to pop about 3-8 of those lil ephedrine tabs you get at truck stops, phase two was to pack pipe and smoke like a son of a bitch. We all had the same art class 1st thing and our teacher new the score, so tardiness was never an issue, you know, she was an art teacher, she loved us.....(snicker) Phase One Pahse Two, I guess you had to be there

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my archaeologistsand historians meet each Thursday. we will talk about sterile holes.

missing the scrabble game.

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thinking a live animal is more fun to watch than a brass animal any day of the week. Tracking changes in position, expression, facial hair, shirt... Is it eating? Is it awake? Is it aware of your presence? Does it exhibit signs of stress?

Not much. Flaked on work, have to do minutes for a board meeting that I am going to skip. Then I go to Lewiston tonight to pay my debt to the D.J.

laging my ass off, Herbert Kornfield is back...



http://www.theonion.com/onion3526/company_picnic.html

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laughing

enraged and excited, just heard the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion got their equipment ripped off in Vancouver th other day, WHAT A FUCKING sham!!! he lost his 62 Moog Theramin as well!!

Excited, to be present at the Flaming Lips, Sebadoh, Robyn Hitchcok, EAR show this Sunday, should be hot!!!

Listening the Kasmir the symphonic Led Zepplin. Its put together by Youth and Jazz Colemen from Killing Joke. Its really cool chilling out music. I am taking care of my five year old son for a few days, and it is a major ,major,major pain in the ass. Just trying to keep my sanity.

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your turbo lover.


better run for cover.


REO Speedwagon plays at Ft. McCoy tonight.


Phhhbt!!!!


Glad I have no five-year old son, but occasionally wonder about my five year old goddaughter, whom I haven't heard tell of since my buddy's divorce. Come to think of it, I ain't heard from his as in about two-three years as well.

I am going into spendthrift mode since I got my last credit card bill. However, there is nothing else I ned to buy right now, so should be easy.

oh, and Skooter, y'all got my Killing Joke disc? Keep it damn safe if so.

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I could SWEAR that pig just moved...

Having a large, inconvenient wrench thrown into the end of my day.

But, working as an efficient team, my co-workers and I solved the problem, thus delivering a tight, well-organized product to our readers.

yeah, right.

babysitting my boss' kid's two white mice while the family is vacationing in Istanbul for three weeks.

Lucky and Snowball. they live in a 1 x 2 foot clear plastic box with a bright purple roof. they have a tread mill, water bottle, food bin, barrel, and green fluffy bedding of some sort.

whenever i put a little "Wild Berry Yogurt Drops" pellet into their food dish, they clamor over each other to get to it. right around this time each day they stir, mousing about as well as they can in their little coffin.

i say coffin because Lucky is over 3 years old and apparently has already overstayed his welcome for a mouse life.

Snowball is bigger and much fatter and therefore cuter. a good rule for pets is that they should be round and fluffy. unless your pet is a lizard or something. anyway, snowball doesn't really do much but keep warm, so today i put him on the treadmill and spun it around a little. he was reluctant to walk and clung onto the steps until he was nearly upside down, and then decided to walk a little. i didn't torture him too long with this. i just wanted to remind him that there's still a reason to keep on living, despite his misfortune of being a large fluffy mouse in a tiny little world under a purple sky.

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On the way to work this morning, a tire blew out just before I approached the big grade from the uphill side. It happened near the
place of someone I know, so I went there to call. I had to decide whether or not to fix it myself and then have to go back up the
mountain and change clothes, or have someone else fix it and be a weenie. I ended up buying a couple of new tires, but along the
way spoke with a friend whose word I trust who said she had seen a wolverine recently. It's a special status species, and I
therefore filled out multiple forms and made a field check and had them set up the camera over the chicken infused with wolverine
attractant. Then I hear that Miss Dee also has a wolverine family at her place, so I have to set the thing up there, too. Someone
had to come from the office to pick me up at the tire place, then take me back after work. I get up at four thirty, and when I didn't get
started working until nearly ten, I felt I had wasted most of the day. There is no hay in the upper barn, so I had to decide whether or
not to carry up hay from below, or go to the little vineyard and cut grape vines for the goats' dinner. I went head first into the duck's
dog house to check the eggs, and they came up behind me and bit my butt. I couldn't turn around in there, and couldn't see what
was happening. It was someone's birthday and I ate a chocolate nut cupcake with a glop of cream cheese in the middle--pure poison.
All in all a horrible day, and it's not over yet. VOKDA would be really good just now.

watching my wife make a pair paper mache/pinata 44 DD's teats..........its a friends surprise BD party tommorow....it's at this super rich fuck's penthouse, it used to belong to James Cagney, back in the day, it's swank, but this guy is such a square, he is fat, ugly and boring as can be and only gets laidb/c of his money, he is also a cheap fuck, WHATEVER though, we trash his house and drink his liquor, my wife flirts with him, he gets us both high, thats the way it works, i love her, she works him, and gets us both loaded, and then I get laid, we are the dynomite duo that way, got the camera loaded and set, gonna get some snazzy shots, when those paper mache titties burst. I took some old nudie mags and cut T& A from the pages and stuffed them in with the candies......should be good.....

Well, went into Lewiston to pay my debt to the DJ that gave me the tickets last week. They were broadcasting from a Pizza place. I went and did my little song. The DJ's were so funny. One of them held up a lighter and waved his arms.

The DJ at the station asked me to write to him about the concert, but to leave out the "F" word so he can put it on the station's web page. I told him about the Goo Goo Doll's lead singer telling the band to "Shut the Fuck UP." so he could embarrass this guy roughing up people in the pit.

Just woke up...listeing to an old scratcy record of 101 dalamtions, which is what happens when you take care of a five year old. Only one more day and a car trip left. Sem- I have your Killing joke which ill be sending you with the tape i made for you.-Skooter

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I am wondering what happened to the cute guy,now,I see a pig that makes me think of pork rinds.

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it is not ok to have a period every 15-16 days.


is it me, or is the shiny pig getting larger?

Hubby and I went shooting this afternoon. A rifle and a pistol. You'd have to ask him exactly what kinds. He told me, but I don't remember. I'm practicing for hunting season. I got a deer tag this year.

This evening I get to go to band practice with him. Or maybe I'll just go tomorrow. We'll see.

..wondering if Lawanda's husband is Ted Nugent...






ok sorry, just playing......couldnt resist

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

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god that was scary.

going insane very very very slowly...........i am going to take a stress pill and think things over

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where i live is an attractive place for hunters. when they come here, in spite of the postings and gates we make them go away. when they leave their vehicles, we shove them over the side into the ravine. we hate them, and we hope they die.

and in case i am being too circumspect, that goes for you, too.

thinking about this past week. I went mad. nuts. crazy. I was not myself. I was someone else.

did things i never even imagined i would be capable of. i profeesed my love to the most beautifull boy i know. (he turned my dating offer down, but i still did it. that's the important thing. i did it). i let 2 homeless guys sleep in my basement all week. i stayed up talking to them every night until 6am, and still went in to work at 10 every day. i partied every night. i met a cute boy at a party and brought him home with me. (HOLY FUCK, who am i) no, i don't even know his last name. i got compleatly stoned. (i've been 100% sober my entire life) no, wait, add to that - got compleatly stoned AND drove, which i have always been against...both of those things. my ex-love calls me today and is told that i'm passed out and burt out, i'm handed the phone only for him to go on a mad rant about 'what the fuck hapened your morals' 'you're becoming everything you hate' 'have a nice life' and i'll never hear from him again. i just listened. i can't argue any of those things. i'm against drugs, damnit, i always have been. but moments call for actions, and i think i deserved a week of pure madness to contrast my normally laid-back exsistance, don't you? maybe not. i'm babelling.
his saying that he will never talk to me again hurt....for about 10 minutes, then i'm out jumping on my couch and screaming some pearl jam song that someone left on the cd player. chain smoking, as usual. then i fell onto the carpet and laughed. laughed at this week. laughed at what i had become. laughed at the fact that i'll never hear his voice again. in some way, i had been waiting for him to just fuck off for the past 2 years. i needed him out of my system. so i put lots of other things in my system. laughed at how i found a cute boy at a party and brought him home and fucked him and can't remember his last name and don't have his numberbut one of his ear-rings is on my floor. i can't belive any of this. and now somehow it's the funniest thing ever, me, going nuts like this and everyone watching and cheering me on and me here still fried but it's funny, it's all so fucking funny.
i'm glad he'll never call me again. i was sick of his bullshit and sick of him. sick of him loving me still. sick of being the designated driver.
so ends my 5 days of pure madness. i was not myself. and now i am myself, and instead of being disgusted, i'm laughing. not the "oh god what have i done, i'm a disgrace" crying to mommy in a tv movie insanity laughter, but real, actuall "this is funny as hell" roll around on the floor giggling.
i broke every moral i've ever had in the span of only 72 hours.
it was all worth it.
now i know i'm alive.

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Reading Dracula, By Bram Stoker. I have never actually read the whole thing before, now im almost 125 pages in. Its too hot. The new Scooby Doo sucks big donkey dick.

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watching lou reed explain "metal machine music" on the pbs station in nyc.
channel 13.

"i dunno, man. i was really into it. and i was really stoned."

yeah, no shit.

they got all these white noise musicians from the 70's nyc scene.

funny.

Right now, I'm just pretty pissed off that someone that knows NOTHING about how I will hunt or why I decided to hunt would wish that I was dead.

Lots of things are going through my mind, but I'd just be wasting my breath. Think I'll go weed to get it out of my system. There is a large pile of dirty dishes waiting for me, but I'm not that angry.

doesn't matter why.

doesn't matter that you are pissed off.

important thing is that you get dead.

of course, you'll feel better, and i really care about that, if you know why. let's just say your herd needs thinning. and you are cull.

sheila, i love you to pieces, and i am totally against hunting, but you are going too far. let's drop it.

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Baout the only hunters I have true respect for are the guys in Michigan who go out with atlatls and literally chase deer through the woods. Now that's hunting.

I can understand the arguments on both sides of the hunting debate, and my own personal feeling is that in some cases, since we have wiped out natural predation more or less for certain species (aka deer), it is ok to take over the role of predator.

I'm strongly against the hunting of predators and species that are not numerous.

But as for deer or squirrel, well, it gets blurry there. I guess i feel that as long as the meat is eaten, i have no problem.

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amazed at how much hate, bigotry and violence is daily forced upon us in the guise of "political correctness."

Many of the same people who rail against the injustices of society perpetuated by "violent white males" would just as quickly advocate the killing of Makah indians for practicing their traditional beliefs.

Animals have "rights" which supercede those of humans.

I consider myself self-sufficient. I kill what I eat, and I eat what I kill. I will continue to do so until I am physically incapable. Only then will I die. And it won't be at the hands of somebody who got their wildlife biology degree by watching Walt Disney cartoons.

And if the day ever comes where the law prohibits us serfs from taking the King's deer, I will be branded an outlaw for continuing to do so.

Sheila, there is an especially hot corner of hell waiting for you and those of your ilk. And if you don't believe in hell, it'll be a cold, dark corner of oblivion. Either way, it's still there, waiting for you.

And when I die, the souls of all the game I harvested in my lifetime will be waiting for me in my afterlife. And I will be able to look each and every one of them in the eye and say, "your life was not wasted. Your flesh nourished my children, and your offspring are still out there outwitting mine."

And remember the next time you see one, that real bears don't eat from dumpsters.

who said anything about animals, or vegetables? i didn't. this is specific and focused and personal, it's about simon and
lawanda. if yall are going to be such big fat babies, go to the official Genteel Mealymouthed Little Old Ladies website. nevermind.
i'll do it myself.

cancelling plans again.
i'll rejoin the human race once the heat index gets under 100.
for now i'm just gonna crack open a beer and watch the cagefight.

sheila's got attitude, but simon's got guns.

it's gonna be a tough call...

Started with 10 bricks (the 8"x8"x16" building ones) and started a retaining wall that I have been thinking about for three years.

Hubby and I went to Builder's Supply and got 30 more. He helped, and I put together a 26' x16" retaining wall. Those things are heavy. Now I can look foward to many afternoons of moving dirt behind it.

A nice cool evening in Orofino. Watched "El Mariachi." I liked the little short "Bedhead" at the end better.

I am trying to figure out how to make a phone ring itsself!! My friend knows how to do this, but he wont tell me. I think it is three numbers, then the last four numbers of the phone you are using, then flash, but i dont know. If you know please email me! [email protected]

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performing an illegal function.

i met a beautiful brazillian surfer at a 70's party last night up to Manoa falls (where i will leave an offering to one of my favorite musicians).

i wore the most hideous polyester bellbottoms - made out of material that looked like sky and clouds - and a wide collar blouse. blue frosty eye shadow and frosty lipstick and fake eyelashes. hair parted down the middle with braids. he had on too-tight brown polyester bells, platform shoes, a yellow and brown patterned polyester shirt unbuttoned down to his navel, and these HUGE tinted glasses.

that's the way uh-huh uh-huh, i like it uh-huh uh-huh. shake your booty.

so i'm leaving right now to take the brazillian up to Manoa Falls, where i will leave an offering to a great musician in honor of this day. don't worry about the brazillian though, it's all quite innocent. besides, he's only here for a few more months.

and thus begin the days between. it's so appropriate.

listening to small brown bike, very appropriate music for when I get kicked offline everyfew minutes. I am reading "Our Kind" by Marvin Harris. I just finished reading about how Homo erectus evolved a larger brain for long distance running. The extra brain mass, it's figured, was for redundancy. Brain cells tend to go haywire in the heat, so if you have mroe of them, you can operate in the heat longer. This also explains why humans have the amazing cooling system of light hair and dense sweat glands. also learned that humans are the best endurance runners on the planet, capable of running down any other animal. We might not be the fastest, but you can't escape a determined human. Of course, the answer to the question of why humans evolved into long disctance runners probabaly has to do with changing from a mainly scavenging lifstyle in a border environment between woodlands and savannah (a al australopithicines) to a lifestyle where humans had technology to wound animals and chase it to death on the open savannah. Incidently, I personally figure that this isn't a "man the hunter" deal but rather involved both sexes.

shit, the damn connection went again.

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listening to small brown bike, very appropriate music for when I get kicked offline everyfew minutes. I am reading "Our Kind" by Marvin Harris. I just finished reading about how Homo erectus evolved a larger brain for long distance running. The extra brain mass, it's figured, was for redundancy. Brain cells tend to go haywire in the heat, so if you have mroe of them, you can operate in the heat longer. This also explains why humans have the amazing cooling system of light hair and dense sweat glands. also learned that humans are the best endurance runners on the planet, capable of running down any other animal. We might not be the fastest, but you can't escape a determined human. Of course, the answer to the question of why humans evolved into long disctance runners probabaly has to do with changing from a mainly scavenging lifstyle in a border environment between woodlands and savannah (a al australopithicines) to a lifestyle where humans had technology to wound animals and chase it to death on the open savannah. Incidently, I personally figure that this isn't a "man the hunter" deal but rather involved both sexes.

shit, the damn connection went again.

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just woken up, been living with Tom Waits as soundtrack for the last couple of weeks since i traded Mary blood and chocolate for beautiful maladies. had to get 5 more cds and now listening to "Teeeeemptation"....i can't resist.........

but you're innocent when you dream, when you dream...

the bats are in the belfry.

Enjoying being alone. Last night a dear friend to me told me that her world is falling apart, that she was unloved and nobody cared about her. She told me there was nothing I could do, and that I would didn't understand and never would.

What do you say to that?

I wish she would make some more friends. It's a lot of pressure to be half of the world to someone so powerfully depressed.
Her other friend is supposed to understand completely... I dunno, maybe if she weren't always trying to fuck him, he would be more supportive.
As far as I know, nobody I know reads this anymore, so it's probably safe. I just have to vent a little.

Also, I'm listening to awsome music and thinking about how easily we are influenced by good music. For just a little while, everything is okay. Sometimes one song can completely change your attitude...

And finally, I'm eager to get away from this place. Next week I'm getting out again, and I honestly hope never to be home again for more than a couple weeks at most. Coming back for the summer was an unhappy thing. I'm going to where my love is.

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About how to make your own phone ring...I live in Florida and my phone company is GTE and when I push 311, it will make my own phone ring. Hope that helps you.

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Listening to Cypress Hill vol #3. Its all good. Spent all weeekend in a car with a five year old kid. Smoked, and now im happy. Hey Semillima....Matt was so drunk tonight on the royal stagermister. He bought a bunch of ping-pong balls at the store, and the lady behind the counter asked him i8f he was going to a ping-pong tournament. He smiled and said that he just met a really nice Vietmanese girl! What a silly fucker. Kid Rock Sucks, and I should be makinbg a million fucking dollars as a rich rock star.

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listening to charlie parker. i just found an old maxell tape that must be 12 years old; it's got the first jazz album i ever bought (bird at st. nicks. i didn't realize till i got it home it was recordings of just bird's solos, not whole songs. i was 14) and joan armatrading on the other side.

anyway, i was glad to get it. sometimes you have that just right mixture of depression, desperation, confusion and aching desire to say fuck it all that you just need like that. what i really crave right now is eric dolphy. maybe monk, i don't know. something perplexing, but with energy and feeling and guts.

tomorrow we're going to start work on sal's (my tenants) bathroom. we're going to have to rip up the floor all the way to fucking toilet and replace the subflooring. my guy, buzz (i don't name 'em, i just hire 'em) says it's going to be hell getting the bathtub up what with the concrete and all. i've already told sal that i'm giving him a break on the rent for the inconvenience (i'm such a decent motherfucker), so i told buzz to pretty please haul some fucking ass to get the job done.

we've already set up a port-a-potty in the garage for the rojas family in general to use, and as far as i know they've made arrangements for bathing.

maybe sal will move out and find another house that isn't a shithole. anybody wanna buy a house? dirt cheap - i'll let you have for an eric dolphy cd and a case of scotch.

angry. my former teacher just emailed me and called me a slut. exact words, i'm not just reading into it incorrectly... slut. she said it. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. first of all, i'm not a slut. second of all, what would she know? she emailed me last week to tell me about her electrolysis. i feel better already. electrolysis. at least i don't have neck hair.

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....wondering what else Christine is leaving out of the story, surely comments like that don't come unprovoked, or with cause,,,,,,,hoping she will spill it all..........

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we have this new automated trash system in my neighborhood. you have to use a special bin - it's gigantic - provided by the city. it has an attached lid and wheels, and you have to put it on the curb facing a certain way.

well, this morning for the first time i got to observe the whole thing go down. the huge yellow truck comes up the street. this steel claw juts out, the claws SNAP down on the bin (so hard i thought it would break the bin in half) and then lifts it upside down and in goes the garbage. then the claw SLAMS the bin back down on the cement.

it was a loud and violent affair for a monday morning. it sorta scared me.

coloring with hi lighters

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finished working for the day.

Time to go home and meditate by the fish pond.

With a cold beer.

I'm not sure if the heat lowers my appetite, or just makes me not want to cook. Either way, I should be craving dinner right now, but I'm not.

getting the floors mopped with my face in MS Solitaire.....and yes heat does tend to lower your appetite