hi Mark! how the hell are you? you're looking really good these days. just thought i'd let you know.

i miss scrabble and smoke and capitalized obscenities.

i'm having a love/hate relationship with adulthood.


jeeezis. swine? sheila? jimbabe? where the hell are you people?

.

.

new situation:
i live with 2 people, and we need a 3rd. The most likely candidate for 3rd is one we will call K, who is a friend of myself and my other 2 housemates. The problem? I used to want K .... BAD ,but that's all over now, K is still attractive by general standards but is also quite an airhead, which i find repulsive. I barely respect K as a friend, now mostly just a semi-amusing aquaintance.
I don't care if K lives with us. But i assume that SignifigantOther might. Which i understand. Jealousy is a strange and unpredictable emotion, you just never ever know. I fear that I'll never be able to put SO's paranoia to rest if K lives with us, even though there's no reason to be paraniod. I'd like to think that if i was in SO's position, i'd be okay with it. Maybe. I hope.

??????

*animal inside of me...*


animal inside:
skin muscle bone.

ivory cream white:
teeth
morsel my mouth

animal:
masticating my orange-section lower lip,
creeping inside my body,
eating the fruit of my abdomen,
letting the blood / juice / blood
drip from between my legs;
it feeds on me!

savage omnivore:
ravaging fruit and meat
gnawing nourishment
from my eagerly offering bones;
it feeds on me!

fruit bat:
laps my precious juices,
diminishing the amount
of nectar i have to give;
it feeds on me!

vampire bat:
feral silent nocturnal
sucks me dry and destroys
the marrow of my soul;
it feeds on me!

i am plump and ripe.

perhaps:
if
i stopped eating, or
if
i only ate few faerie tangerines
i would diminish
to be barkless: dry,
sand-speckled white
fuzzy light driftwood.

no sap: no juice, no blood
to drink...


i'm depressed. can't you tell?

i ate four potato chips a few minutes ago. had nothing better to do. if it were warm i would have gone out to trim the rosebushes instead.

why do i worry?

all the time i've been working i've hoped to be asked out. now that i think someone might, i'm scared to death. i feel trapped in a hand-held box. the ironic thing is, i don't know if anyone that should know knows.

that was tortured sounding, wasn't it? my writing style doesn't flow very well.

the poem i posted here is my favorite of over 200 i've written. it's one of the few that my ex hasn't seen (i gave him a disk of all my poetry in case i lost all i had. i told him to destroy it when we broke up, seven months ago, but as of a month ago he still had it. grr. i told him again to destroy it, but i don't know. i hop he doesn't try to publish my soul.).

if anyone's going to publish my soul, it better be me. or i better be dead.

i know luke is avaliable, as he was talking about how his ex was evil. i didn't mention mine.

i've no clue what to do. i want to be asked out, but i'm afraid that i'll say yes.

damn. i feel like oxymoron in a pre-teen phase.

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

new situation:
i live with 2 people, and we need a 3rd. The most likely candidate for 3rd is one we will call K, who is a friend of myself and my other 2 housemates. The problem? I used to want K .... BAD ,but that's all over now, K is still attractive by general standards but is also quite an airhead, which i find repulsive. I barely respect K as a friend, now mostly just a semi-amusing aquaintance.
I don't care if K lives with us. But i assume that SignifigantOther might. Which i understand. Jealousy is a strange and unpredictable emotion, you just never ever know. I fear that I'll never be able to put SO's paranoia to rest if K lives with us, even though there's no reason to be paraniod. I'd like to think that if i was in SO's position, i'd be okay with it. Maybe. I hope.

??????

(forgot to mention- SignifigantOther doesn't live in the house)

duh.

Ask the So.

if you've got a pretty honest relationship, then you'll have your answer.

listening to mazzy star my last twenty minutes at work.

getting ready to compose another steaming batch of poetry. or not.

i need a tape recorder in my shower. then it would be so much easier.

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

I'm indulging in a little late-night languor-- guiltily enjoying the whirring silence of a mentally empty house.

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www.sexroid.com

listening to PJ Harvey in my head.

Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing. Let's break out the booze and have a ball. If that's all there is.

working. it's going to be a long night, but i have steinbeck as my companion.

fiddling around before taking books and stuff back to the library.

then i work. yay! i wonder who'll be there today....?

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

counting down the hours til my birthday----12 hours and 31 minutes!!

everybody now---eat cake!!

many things in my head

excavation plans, most efficient use of many hands, how to keep an eye on everything at once

wince at how the media can distort your words

hoping i can take the time off to get Mavis to her wedding, but she may show up in Mpls a day earlier than I can get off.

hoping sem can get the day off to drive me to the stupid crappy wedding that stinks.
or maybe we can just go on a 4 day bender and forget the whole mess.

I'm fustrated.


good or bad, things never seem to work out the way I plan them in my head.

I started my own business.

Oh no. I've transformed from lofty academic idealist to capitalistic actualizer.

I'm just waiting until someone decides to buy me out.

I am planning on bbqing on the roof. Got any good suggestions? Hint of advice: don't give people BBQ sauce as birthday presents.

[email protected]
http://www.skylab.org/~ryan/

using my ten minutes of comp time before i go to bed.

i have work at 7 am tomorrow morning, which means that i have to leave at 6:30 am to get to work on time, and get up at 5 am so i can take the first shower of the day. yay!

suppposedly there will be a lottery ticket at work for me tomorrow. i stopped someone from cheating the store (she was trying to return jeans that had never been bought). i looked at my horoscope after work and it said that events are transpiring that lead to prosperity. either i'm getting a prize with the ticket or it's just saying that i'm going to make a lot more money when i switch jobs. (ooh! 50 cents more an hour! but i'kll have to pay union dues, which i don't pay with my current job...)

i wonder if luke will be at work tomorrow....?

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

Get up at 5 for a 1/2 hour drive to work at 7?

You must be nuts. I get up at 6 to get to work at 7. Showers are unnecessary if you have some Dr. Bronners and a washcloth for your upper body. Unless you have some severe hygiene issues.

4 day bender sounds good to me.
Happy Birthday Mavis!

i get up at 5:10 to get to work by 6:30.

what's dr. bronners?

they finally got me. i have a cellphone.

I get up at 7 to get to work at 8 and still shower every morning (except when I fall into the snooze-button vortex)

[email protected]

Happy Birthday Mavis...."You deserve to be honored and adored."- Skooter

"happy birthday to you,
you like in a zoo,
you smell like a monkey,
and you look like one too!"

(just to be cheeky. maybe you're more like an oranguatan!)

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

item: i live at home, with a younger sister and my parents.

item: both my parents commute over 20 miles to get to work in the morning so they leave at 7 am to get to work on time.

item: we all love looong showers.

item: my mom and i both like to dally in the bathroom after a shower.
(ie, i take my shower in a different bathroom than my parents do so i can hav it to myself)

i usually take about an hour in the bathroom in the morning, then i make my bed, brush my teeth, and leave. yay!

what can i say? i love to dally!

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

the first thing that i learned in college was the value of sleep.

i will miss sleep for liquor or drugs.

i will miss sleep in order to get my work done.

i will miss sleep for the Simpsons.

i will not miss sleep for showering or food.

over the past four years (or maybe it has been three) i have learned to like the natural stinky week without showering odor of my body.

'. . .being a serving wench at a theme restaurant! And I feel good about myself. I use Dove!'

is wondering is marks pager still works

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www.hormel.com

mad at nick. got to work at 7 am, the store opens at 9 am. his department is shoes which was in the process of recarpeting and so he was "helping" me out in mens.

he just wanted to talk. and hit on me. and ask me about 200 times if i wanted to do various things with josh. got pretty boring, listening to him blabber on and on while i was trying to work so we wouldn't get in trouble.

i swear, if he thought he'd have a chance, nick would hit on rocks.

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

skooter
i love you! thank you for reminding me of that!
YAY!
did you like that present i left in your room???

love mavis

Just thinking about last weekend and hoping this one is better.Last Saturday,went to Harrahs casino,I only lost $10.00,they had the most putrid buffet I have ever tried to eat at,pure slop,espeacially the pink fish with the green mayoo...heave.Sunday,Amee calls and wants to meet her Ex-husband and son at my house to go swimming,so I said fine,but when the ex showed up he had a friend and his 3 kids so I really didn't have any quallity time with Jonathon,plus a big mess to pick up after ,and they drank all my beer.Then I had to get my mail art out of the mailbox because I forgot to put in $5 bucks and had to wait a few days till I had the chance to steal the money from s/o,s wallet and I know he will notice,and I can't even blame it on the kids,then I had to walk about a half a mile to mail it in in the big post box.Anyway,it is still sinking in that I will be a granny again,I told her the first time that I wasn t ready for that,but that didn't stop her.Not that I care,but I hope it's a girl.Anyway,I' m going to have fun this weekend if it fucking kills me.

Mavis Flavius.....It's funny, but I always thought that saying was nice, even in my more cynical "hardcored" days. Just wanted to let you and Semillima know that I heard from Matt B, and he's alive and well and has a job and hoes in san Diego.

feeling good because she recovered 30 feet of the dress shirt wall while working by herself (managing the counter, unlocking and checking the fitting rooms, etc...)

YYAAHH!!

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

Workin' on my site and lookin for new ideas...just restless.

melanie904webtv.net
http://members.tripod.com/~eve1964/cooldoors.html

Nate - Get thyself hence to a health food stoer, go to the hygiene/soap section, and look for the bottles of Dr. Bronner's soap, which have blue or green labels. Read the labels.
Ok! Dilute! Dilute! All-in-One!!

I cleaned my house today, well ok the downstairs and the bathroom, my bed room is still messy. I also vacummed my car and used the Vacuumatron on reverse as an air broom and blew all the dirt on the floor of my garage out the door. Now all I need are visitors.

wasting time until i go to the orientation session at fred meyer's. i'm dreading it, because it means that i'll have to give my two weeks notice tomorrow. on the other hand, it will mean that i will have time to work during the school year.

i'm just not that excited yet about joining the union and leaving friends behind at mervyn's.

what does it matter? i've never looked to other people to make my decisions before (even if i usually follow advice)...i do what i want.

i'm scared. i want a hug.

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

trying to decide what to do with a week of nothingness. next week. where should i go, what should i do. or should i do anything at all. why not just have nothingness. it's pretty cheap. or should i go to winnipeg, or boone, or memphis, or...

trying to decide what to do and when to do it

Listening to that Lara St. John recording (the one with the infamous cover) of Bach's Partita no. 2 in D minor. I like her. Her rendition reminds me of the way my sister plays it on guitar. Except at one time I thought that Chaconne was about death, but this one isn't.

What is that, a guy in a gas mask, what...

http://www.drbronner.com/

warning to women: this stuff it reported to cause yeast infections.

i like the peppermint.

[email protected]

what? I never ever heard that, mate, and i have several female friends who use it, and they never said anythign about getting yeast infections. Who reported it, and is there a link to this information?

in other news: Looks like I may be joining my pal skooter in his band for a few songs when they play the reggae festival in the UP on Labor Day.

smiling. (she'll explain later)

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

guess what?

i'm so glad i had to work yesterday...even if i didn't get to see my cousin.

i had to close. josh was there. he had to close, too.

so after work was over, i waited for him and we walked out together.

and ended up talking in the parking lot for two and a half hours. (i think...it was aroung 10:15 when i clocked out and it was around 12:45 when i got in my car)

we talked mostly about relationships and about funny things that we didn't want from other people. pick-up lines, etc. and he mentions that he likes tall girls.

i have two inches on him! then he asked me if i like really muscular guys (i answered no, that i'd rather date a nice guy than a muscular guy...maybe i was wrong to say that...he always talks about going to the gym)

nick says that he told josh that i like him (josh, not nick). if that's the truth, i'm glad.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...

you get the picture. yeah.

http://piglatin.net

i guess i'll go work on my site now...bye!

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

listening to a 1956 recording of the miles davis quintet. in a lot of ways i would swear i don't like music anymore, or at least don't care about it that much anymore. but i can listen to this.

Back from Miami and intensly brown courtesy of the sun. Retrieved a kitten crouching beneath a truck on Washington Ave. Good deed day. Back at work (bleah!!) and now Nate's getting married.

I'm crushed.

getting angrier and angrier at her little sister who messed up the family email and refusing to get up the morning longer than to hold the phone while Pez went to the bathroom while on hold for tech support. why should Pez do it? she has an email addy of her own and has never used the family email. deal, sis. not her problem.

[email protected]
http://hemetite.diaryland.com

Slowly becoming gray as my bloodsugar goes on tour and my boss drones like so many economical bees.

[email protected]
www.I'm-low-tech.com

Sighing.

And thinking about wonderful people.

And waiting for his "black knight" to come rescue him...

[email protected]
http://www.75megs.com/zephyr

Sighing.

And thinking about wonderful people.

And waiting for his "black knight" to come rescue him...

http://www.issound.com/live

The webcam where I work

[email protected]
http://www.75megs.com/zephyr

agonizing about moving and leaving or staying and saving money at the expense of my emotioanl well-being.

is wondering at the strange habit of WAYDoers referring to themselves in the third person. Very royal.

dreaming of seven south dearborn

laundry while drying cat.

[email protected]

Reading DonBurke's entry (love those cats) while waiting for the Strangers With Candy new episode to appear on COMedy central at 9:30 Central. This is NOT a cult.

I should be sleeping. Instead, I have been calling pay phones in NYC. Maybe I'll go take a dump, read the Koran, and get some hot and humid sleep. I like fish.

[email protected]

wondering when it's going to rain today and how hard.

cat got out last night for 3 hours - naughty kittie!

probably going to pick up the bass again and join a band.

when i see a naughty kittie i punish it.

Hey Nate--Meow, Meow!!