yes

for once i agree completely

after having spent days with my family and realizing that it's never how i want it to be in my head

and i come away feeling defeated

and wanting to run away to greece with lovely girl

you know, heather, you just have to be who you want to be. in my experience, once the family is fucked up it will always be fucked up, even if they pretend otherwise.

i visited my father's brother and his wife (my father's sister was there as well) a couple of weeks ago. my sister and two of her children and their spouses also came. my sister basically hates my guts. even though we have tried to enjoy each other over the past few years, her children still view me with the hate they absorbed from their mother over the years. as we watched some very old home movies, it was interesting that when my two nieces saw me and my cousins as little children making faces at the camera, they said, "look at the show-off" only when they saw me. when they saw my cousins they all said, "how cute".

so, heather, i understand about feeling defeated. i ALWAYS come away from my family feeling defeated. i just don't get as down as i used to get. i'll never understand why it bugs my family so fucking much that i have made a living as a musician. well, actually, i do. when my sister was young and would dance and sing, my mother would slap her to the ground. so, she resents everything i do in the world of the arts. she can't help it and i don't blame her anymore. i just wish she would tell her kids to afford me a little more respect.

heather, run away with lovely girl before it's too late.

"once the family is fucked up it will always be fucked up, even if they pretend otherwise."


I agree. The transition to healthy would require everyone to clean themselves up, and that's just too much to ask.


I've got a problem with my mother I'm not sure how to handle. Over the past two years, her mental health has declined considerably, and at this point she is incredibly needy...just one big black hole of Need. I feel like no amount of affection or attention that I could give her is enough for her, because she is just too demanding. There's also some twisted parent-child role mix-up going on, where I am the mother-figure to her instead of the other way around.

She is also still trying to control what I do with my life, and every time I talk to her she whines that she wants me to move to Boston and go to grad school where she works. When I say that's not what I want, she whines more.

(She really whines, too -- I'm not using that word metaphorically.)

I would very much like to cut off contact with her for a while (at least until Christmas!), but I'm also aware that that would hurt her tremendously. I don't want to hurt her, but, seriously, I don't even like thinking about her because it makes me feel exhausted and sick.

What to do.

you can't *do* anything except tell her what you told us and explain that it's too much for you to deal with and that you shouldn't have to.

space is the only way for anyone to see that they can take care of themselves, and if they can't they need professional help- not to lay it on their loved ones.

cut her off spider.

sometimes you get to go first. your sanity is priority over hers.

now. go. do it.






$70 IS steep for us too but will consider it an xmas gift to the mrs and i.

I know thats what Waits charged for his tickets on his last tour, so, its no surprise.


waiting to go to my new home.

i have a yard now motherfuckers! a YARD!

the cats, after 4 years living 4 stories off the ground, one of my cats is terrified of the cars that speed past on this residential street. we have no blinds yet so the windows, the whooooosh of the cars and the lights at night terrify karenin.

silly pussy.

the house was built in the 20s, as was the entire block. the garage has that old wood/oil smell, like in your grandpa's garage. its one of those old school garage doors that flips upward.

gas heat the comes out of two centrally placed grates. They generate heat like a motherfucker. the first night i tripped the smoke alarms off going from 60 to 70 degrees in about 5-10 minutes.

im so god damn happy being in a house. i can never go to an apartment.

i even have an orange tree in the back yo.

one step at a time.

patrick, your new place sounds awesome. i miss having my own house.

all is madness here in oakland as my housemates slowly but steadily go insane. i don't think i can take this much longer.

i really can't stand the city--why do we do this to ourselves? it seems like everyone is miserable 98% of the time. maybe i'm just not where the happy people are?

Being bewildered and shocked by a commercial for "Spyders" funds on the Money Channel (CNBC). .
There was Definitely a guitar playing HendriX "Third Stone From The Sun" riff .
Freak Me!

[email protected]

I like that commercial for VW that has ELO's Mr. Blue Sky in it. It'd been such a long time since I'd heard that song. It's so Beatlesesque.

A Great Blue Heron
landed in the east
horse pasture, took a
walk into the side yard,
and stayed a few
minutes before flying
north. There was time
enough to sneak close
and look right into its
eye. We are
breathless.

Chillin

we have those here. mini dinosaurs, they are.

i got close enough to one that it could have skewered me belly button with a mere flick of it's head. it looked at me as if to say, "you wanna start something? i didn't think so." then it turned and slowly and powerfully flew off, like it was in granny gear. i love those birds.

ahem.

we have those here. mini dinosaurs, they are.

i got close enough to one that it could have skewered me belly button with a mere flick of its head. it looked at me as if to say, "you wanna start something? i didn't think so." then it turned and slowly and powerfully flew off, like it was in granny gear. i love those birds.

rooting for truffles

"It's getting cold out here"

wondering if Pez, or whatever her new name is (i forget) knows about these freaks. I see they are in town this week:
http://www.powvideo.com/

wow.



its gets more and more exciting every day.

"i really can't stand the city--why do we do this to ourselves? it seems like everyone is miserable 98% of the time. maybe i'm just not where the happy people are?"

No, platy. That is the new world order

listening to music, thinking about all the work I have to do in the next 7 days, trying to decide what to do with my avocado. Guacamole or Salad?

advising kazoo.


both. guacamole IN a salad is delightful.

or even plain avacado

Staying at my moms,kicked Ryan out,long story.Existing barely with webtv.

[email protected]

patrick, all the best on your new home. i just feel that, when you're trying to get your life in order, there is nothing better than owning your own little piece of the planet. having that little bit of control is a good thing.

spider, i wish i could give you the magic answer. my mother always hated my father's family. to this day, she resents any get-together i or my sister have with them. i love my father's siblings for so many different reasons that my mother could never (or would not want to) understand. i just tell her that she has to live with it. the thing is, she knows that when i visit her, i don't treat her like her perceived treatment from my father's family. so, i hope against hope that she will come to understand the difference. she doesn't. she doesn't get that i can love her AND love my father's family.

c'mon everybody. let's hear all of the worst family shit!!

oh, and j, my father's remaining siblings have webtv. it's cool.

just got back from the final show of the other one's tour.

i am pleased.

"owning your own little piece of the planet"


what a horrible idea!

Fiddling while the world prepares to burn

Cocaine:

So easy and maybe not so bad. Could live with it. Every day feeling this way. There is no regrets now. All decisions..final and true. It feels good, pure.

I feel the slippery slope and the new gang of friends gathering, dirty and smiling.

Not my bag?

Worried a little.

Standing on the outside looking in

Well, well, well, so I can die eeeeeeeasy

BANG BANG CRASH

Ooohhhh

Well, well, well, so I can die eeeeeassy



Jesus, gonna make up..

Somebody, somebody... oh oh

Jesus gonna make up...

Jesus gonna make up my dyin' bed

well that played out in my head perfectly.

cocaine,...god's joke on the rich. in the late 70's and most of the 80's we thought this drug was not addictive. it was our reward for working hard. well, we were FUCKING WRONG. it's more addictive than heroine and nicotine.

I am fingering life....

[email protected]

thinking about reading my physics textbook and studying for that final, taking the practice exam. but really i'm reading old threads and trying to sort people out because i still get really confused by who is who in the sorabji world. so i made a word document in which i will try to keep track of what i know. that way when i get confused i can refer to that instead of searching hopelessly through old threads. of course, i do really enjoy searching hopelessly through old threads. well this way i can organize what i learn. really, a very advanced procrastination technique. but yeah. i better go start studying.

thinking that Ophelia is just adorable. Good luck with your exam. I too, am guilty of reading old threads to waste time, and I'll admit that there are a couple that I like to read over and over and over....

holding my head.

drink too much vodka last night.

i have gotten too excited noodling around the new house, especially with her gone.

no. really. seriously excited.

i've been working in my new darkroom and garage outback. since its a bit chilly in the cement floored space i wear slippers and this vintage mustard colored cardigan, listen to the jazz station, and work in my circa 1960s darkroom. Im your dad's dad in the making and totally digging it.

all i need is a mini-fridge and a pin-up calendar.


ohwait....the one i shot is available

http://www.gripstyleclothing.com/calender.htm


kinda silly isnt it?

having kazoo

Me too, kazoo. I think I got my headache from reading on the train, and I haven't been able to shake it.

Which old threads do you like to read, if I may ask?

not at all spider.

I likes dis one:

http://216.71.20.204/strangle/messages/113/6316.html?WednesdayJune1220021055am

and dat one:

http://216.71.20.204/strangle/messages/248/6371.html?WednesdayJune1220020104pm

thinking to kazoo:

aww!!! you and sem are the adorable ones :-)

rooting for truffles

I still have that song in my head. I think I got it wrong, though -- I think it's "Jesus gonna make you my dying bed." I don't get it, unless it's a reference to "le petit mort" or however you spell that.

I like the "oh my JESUS" part, especially when the drums kick in. John Bonham has got the flavor.

printing out my last paper. my LAST paper.


I just have to present this to my class and then I can turn my brain off.

I could put this on the drunk board,but this one goes away.I wish I could go away,somewhere out there where my mind wouldn't stray,where any game I picked to play,I would sieze the day

[email protected]

I wish I could hook up one of those clappers to a vibrater so it's already happy to see you,and you know your neighbors think you sleep with a jackhammer,but I'm not one to gossip.

I heard you fired Mr. O'Dinga!

not done.

i still got so much shit to do but it has to be done by tuesday at 4. i can do this.

then i get to go home.

Previously, when a copy was transferred from one volume to another, or when a copy or volume was transferred from one title record to another, it was possible that Demand Management rules would prevent one or more of the linked holds from being fulfilled with the copy in the new location. It would, therefore, be possible for a hold to become insatiable (no copies exist that can satisfy the hold) as a result of Transfer Item.

Now, when Transfer Item initiate a copy transfer...

(want more?)

What a funny use of "insatiable," Nelly.

What kind of business is this?

hey, spider, did you ever come to any resolution with your mom? there was some good advice out there, like "it's your turn", but i know how hard it can be to act. please tell us.

Nah, no resolution with my mom. We're friendly now, though.

thinking Mark is a closeted comedian

thinking Mark is a closeted comedian

There was this couple who were married for 20 years and everytime they had sex the husband turned the lights off.One night as they were having sex,the woman quickly got up and turned on the light,there was her husband holding a dildo."How could you do this"she asked "you have been lying to me for 20 years,you better be able to explain this to me".He looked her right in the eye and said "I'll tell you about it when you tell me about our 3 kids".

a state trooper stopped a car on the turnpike. he said to the driver, "sir, your wife fell out of your car about four miles back. didn't you notice? the man, with a look of relief, responded, "oh, thank god. i thought i was going deaf."

spider, friendly is a good start. it's a basis for conversation. good luck.

patrick,
you shot the picture of the girl climbing up the ladder for that calendar?

thanx, mark, for horowitz playing chopin. could you give us maurizio as well? it would make a great comparison.

Listening to the rain &
revisiting my old stomping grounds.

Remembering how much I enjoy Mark's writing.

Wishing His Markness & all my favorite the Sorabjians Happy Holidaze.

[email protected]

eating something sweet and buttery. doing laundry.

thinking about who i used to be. and missing that person.

[email protected]

thinking that i've finally forgotten who i used to be. thinking i ought to try to remember. it's so hard to come up with a new one...

patrick, sorry it took so long, but working in your 60's darkroom is cool. if you can accomplish what you want, why care? enjoy!

how 'bout dem Saints?

Amee gave Jerry the boot the day after Christmas he got off work at the 7/11 at 10 p.m. came home said he had to get high,left and didn't come back till morning.Merry Christmas to me!! I can't stand him,he's a dog.Then I babysat Orion from 8 a.m fri. till 4p.m.sat. he wore me out.He's just like Ryan use to be.He's been saying shit alot,I tried to ignore it but he just kept it up.I told Amee about it and she said Jerry thought it was funny..figures. I could swear he said the F word too.He's not even 2,I'm pretty disgusted,I hope he forgets it by the time my friend gets here in Jan.

[email protected]

rooting for truffles at night

i think i'm a net porn kleptomaniac. i found a stupid security hole in a live site today so i could sit in on other peoples private sessions. i know it sounds implausible, but their security was really that bad. anyway, what was actually funny was being able to continue to listen to the girls abuse the customers after they cum in only 3 minutes and log out :-)

responding.

dear curious,

yes that was one shot. its not a ladder, its dolly track used in film production. as that was the theme. hot, teasing images involving film production equipment.






wow, its kym.

j, we all talk about this shit but you are the one who is living it. all you can do is try to show that child a better example. his condition is NOT your fault. he is clearly the product of his environment. god, i'm sorry that this is fucking up your holidays.

bargain shopping for wars!


oh look, Iraq is nearly half off!



GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wishing u all a happy new year

Sitting here being sad because I am going to be spending new years alone this year in my apartment :-(